Pervy husband

[Verymuchalady]

Can anyone help with how I raise this with my husband?

I am getting a bit fed up as he is obsessed with sex. To give an example, this morning I had an appointment at 9 and got a phone call asking if I could go twenty minutes late. Told DH and he said ‘oh, time for a quick one!’

This wouldn’t be too bad but it’s constant. I’m getting dressed and he comes in and wolf whistles which makes me feel self conscious. I have a top with birds on it and he points at them and says ooh pretty but pointing at my boobs.

I know I’m not selling him here but normally he doesn’t act like a 15 year old

Just tell him that he’s a sex pest, and it’s a turn off.

is this new? Otherwise you chose to marry him knowing he was a sex pest?

but normally he doesn’t act like a 15 year old

Do you mean this is new behaviour?

I would call him out on it. Point out the difference between sensuality and compliments and leering. Tell him that you feel objectified and reduced to a sex object when he assumes you're always up for it.

If he's trying to address an underlying issue, eg he feels your sex life has dwindled, then it needs an adult conversation.

If he respects you he’ll tone it down when you spell it out. If he doesn’t respect you, then you have much bigger marital problems.

I lost two paragraphs at the end there sorry.

He doesn’t normally act like a 15 year old but he’s really been upping the ante lately and am not sure why - possibly a combination of DS (18 months) sleeping much better so we have time for ourselves in the evening (before I had to go to bed at 8 to get a decent amount of sleep in order to function) and also we are TTC so what started as a joke (things like oh, it’s a hard life!) have become a constant.

I think you need to actually just be blunt and honest with it. Dont try to sugarcoat it and dont feel guilty and dont take any of the but it is a compliment (it isnt) or that other women like it (most dont)

This does sound irritating but tbh I find it really odd how many women are happy to use their H for sex often and on demand when TTC but then get annoyed when he’s up for it constantly.

I used to love it when my XP made advances, it kept the spark alive so that when it came down to it we were both looking forward to it. I think there are more subtle ways for him to go about it, but honestly sex is the glue that holds couples together and if he wasn’t trying it on you’d have more to worry about.

But this isn’t about sex, it’s about his lazy, cringy way going about it. Do you think these advances would work with someone new? Of course not, but he thinks he doesn’t have to put the effort in anymore.

My Ex started to up his sex drive, little did I know at the time; and I’m sure it’s not the case here, he was having an affair.

I wolf whistle my husband when he gets undressed - I still think it’s sexy, even after 20 years together, and it’s just a way of letting him know.

Mine whistles when I'm getting dressed. I don't mind, I'm glad he still fancies my wrinkly body

Why do you think that your post would help the OP?

I wasn't trying to be helpful. I'm just an arsehole I suppose

I thought it was funny! My dh can't wolf whistle

You need to be honest with him about how it makes you feel. Expect a few days of sulk (best case scenario) and then an improvement. Men hate to hear this kind of feedback and will always go on the defensive, but mostly they will take it in at their own pace. It's a hard conversation but if you don't have it your relationship will go down the pan