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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is the right thing to do?

4 replies

FriedTomatoe · 17/06/2022 23:33

I had friend over for a drink this evening. She's been really unhappy with her DP for a long time but recently things have come to a head and she's decided to divorce. In a nutshell, he's emotionally abusive to her and their teenage boys - he never makes any time for them but is really controlling. Over the years I've heard a catalogue of awful things he's done - calling her names, being neglectful and blaming her for the bad behaviour of their kids.

Back to this evening. I offered to help her find a solicitor. I could see she was really emotional and feeling fragile. She had driven to mine so I wasn't expecting her to be drinking but she downed 2 beers in an hour. As she went to open the third, I took it out of her hand and lightheartedly told her not to feel obliged to drink it. She didn't drink it and has just driven home 3 hours later and having had a good meal. I'm a bit worried. Whilst I know that he doesn't physically abuse her, I'm now wondering if I did the right thing letting her go home? I'm really concerned that he might try and turn this evening into his script of how she's irresponsible. I'm feeling that I should have done more to be helpful. Could I have done anything else?

OP posts:
akittyisyou · 17/06/2022 23:43

You’re a good friend.

Don’t overthink it. You’re not her keeper. If you think he’s tried to mind twist her overnight, just remind her tomorrow of what she said today.

You can’t make her decisions for her. All you can do is support her.

Lozzerbmc · 22/06/2022 14:38

I don’t think you could’ve done anything else and I think you are being a good friend. As the previous poster said all you can do is support her and be there for her as much as you can, but it’s her life.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/06/2022 14:40

Don't overthink it. It is beyond your control.

You've offered her advice and support, but she has to make her own decision.

And well done for not letting her drive home drunk.

Watchkeys · 22/06/2022 14:51

You're not responsible for her. Be there if she asks for support. Make sure she knows you're there. That's it.

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