Been together for 30+ years, adult dc. This thread would be ten pages long if I tried to explain what's wrong and why, there's so much to unpick.
In brief....sex life ruined by his porn use/ED when we were younger has led to a petering out of intimacy over last ten years. I think the porn caused the ED , and we got into this situation where if I showed any interest in sex it would put pressure on him to perform and lead to ED, so I stopped showing interest (I was trying to convince myself I didn't want sex, in order not to feel rejected)
I started focusing on his bad points so I wouldn't want sex with him, and after a while all I could focus on was the bad points. I've got to the point where I miss sex/intimacy, yet I don't feel like it with him (and he has zero interest anyway)
We are living this life where we have common interests, and we don't argue, get along reasonably well, yet I'm so lonely. There is NO intimacy at all. We don't sleep in the same bed, there's no physical touch, last time we had sex was a couple of months ago.
We also have other things going on in our lives causing a lot of stress which doesn't help matters. I just feel like there's so little left to cling on to, and I don't know if we can be fixed (or if I want us to be) I don't think he's bothered about intimacy or sex anymore, he would be content to live as friends.
Sorry to ramble. I just don't know what I want anymore.