Upcoming big birthday but very new relationship

[littlegreenpiggie]

I'm a teacher and my birthday falls in the autumn half term. I've always gone away for my birthday and I've gone with friends, family and by myself, but I always promised myself that I'd go to New York for my 30th.

My friends are (to a woman) settled down with kids so can't go with them. Mum isn't in the best of health so can't go with her. I had totally resolved to go by myself but three months ago I met this guy and he's lovely. We're fairly serious- had the exclusive chat, discussed future plans etc.

How early is too early to bring this up? He'd need to book time off work and it's not really that long away. My friends would also make an effort to spend some time with me but they also need a lot of time to arrange babysitters etc.

Am I overthinking? I've been single for a long time so I feel like I don't know the unwritten rules.

Surely you just ask.

Something like: for my birthday, I'm planning a trip to NY would you like to come along, I'd like to do (enter activities here) whilst I'm there.

I would say that your plan was always to go to NY for your birthday and that if he’d like it to be a joint trip then that would be lovely, and if not, no problem and you’ll be away XYZ dates and will celebrate with him before/after your trip

I will absolutely go by myself if he doesn't want to/can't!

Forget about unwritten rules. Everyone has their own, there's no universal ones.

So, he might be a person whose rules say you'd be too full on to ask him this at this early stage. ie incompatible with you.

Or, he might be a person who'd think it was rude of you not to ask.

There's only one thing you can do: Exactly what you want.

I think it's a bit early, it's been 3 months, October is still a way off, could you be fed up with him by then, it's a risk, I surpose if you don't mind going alone anyway just in case. Test a mini break away in this country first.

Honestly in your shoes I’d go alone.
If you suddenly discover something in likeable about him between now & departure & deposits have been paid etc how awful would it be to have him with you?
Early days yet & absence makes the heart grow fonder!

I hadn't thought of that! 😮I think I might even talk about it and see, without actually booking anything.

I'd avoid going alone at all costs.

I'm not sure if you've been following post pandemic NYC, OP... but it's not what it was, and what it was wasn't all that great anymore anyway. It's literally the wild west (*east) - crime rates, homelessness and venure closures are through the roof.

My friends went a few weeks ago and were mugged twice in 7 days!

I wonder how many people went and weren't mugged?

I would not book a big trip like this with a man you have known for 3 months. A lot can go wrong over the summer, be that glaring personality issues or just something as simple as you getting the ick/going off him. You may end up settling and staying with him because deposits have been paid.

Go by yourself or wait until a friend can go with you.

If you want to holiday with him as a test run, do an easyJet city break. Some people are terrible to holiday with and it’s best to know before you commit further.

I think 3 months is long enough to know if you want to go with him. You've had the exclusivity chat - you're together. Do you want him to go with you?

Go on your own! It's still very early days.

I would book the trip for one, then closer to departure time, ask him if he wants to come along. That would give you more time to see how the relationship evolves.

Agree with not knowing what he is like to travel with.

I'd go by myself.