How to leave someone you love

[skullname]

Name changed.

Please don't say "just do it". He is a good guy but with some issues/red flags.

He loves people, is sociable, we work in the same area which involves caring and advocating for vulnerable people.

He is younger, wanted to have kids but said that can change for the right person (implying me). On a night out he got drunk, after a little argument he said "this is not going to work, you don't want kids". I was very upset but he apologized, etc.

Another night out he drank again and went home without telling me, I was with friends but the plan was to stay at his. Next day again, very apologetic, said he was drunk/tired etc.

I imagine you see the pattern.

I would like to cut drinking but he doesn't see a problem with it, likes the pub culture, etc.

Otherwise he is lovely. Really is. But the baby thing rocked me a bit. I have a child and other responsibilities, of which is is not afraid of and actually helps me often. But I think we are at different stages in life... So I am thinking it's not going to work, is it? I don't want to waste my time with a relationship that it's not amazing. I know not all are, but some must ge close enough?

Sorry, pressed "post" to quickly.

So yeah, I love spending time with him, I fell in love. Really in love. But I don't see this going anywhere good.

Have you asked him how he feels about the future of your relationship? You might have a conversation and discover that you both feel you're on different pages, or that you could find a compromise.

I know how difficult it is to leave someone you love, but you have to look at your own life, what your hopes and dreams are, and if really doesn't fit into them you have to day goodbye.
I did, and it felt like a huge weight (I didn't even know was there) was lifted. My life has definitely been better without him.

Yeah, we have talked and he says he wants this, he has actually relocated to where I live, he says because he met me. Obviously there is a chance that he would have done that anyway.

It's true that when we had that conversation I didn't have as many doubts as I do now. So another conversation is needed. Thanks!

You fixate on the reasons why you don't work rather than keep going over his good qualities the nice bits of the relationship. You make that decision and you don't let yourself slip back into what ifs and maybes. You act quickly and get the separation done ASAP then you block or delete them so there is no contact. When you feel wobbly, you tell yourself why this is the right decision. Then you throw yourself at something like work or a project and stay busy and when the time is right you meet someone new who ticks the boxes this one didn't.

We have discussed hopes and plans, and apart from the baby, everything else aligns. I have a child so it's not like it will be just two of us alone forever and he says that's ok.

It the little things like the ones mentioned that worry me.

You need to separate his boundaries from yours and stop taking his issues on as your responsibility… You know where you stand and anything else is about him.

Thank you.
That's a good set of instructions to follow!
We will have contact tho, this is s small community and we work in the same area.

I think the baby thing is a red herring. There's enough other issues in the mix for having DC together to be a bad idea even if you did want them, with the drinking, upsets and different life stages/levels of maturity. It sounds like there's not enough solid potential for it to progress so sad though it is, it's much better to draw a line and move on to the right partners for both of you. And that person should be amazing - for you at least. If you're already feeling like there's issues and red flags then they're not good enough, even if they're a good guy in some ways and you've caught enough feelings for it to feel like love. You sound smart and like you know what's right for you, so trust yourself and value yourself and let this one go.

He may in time realise that this relationship isn't compatible either as he'd want a chance at having his own biological children. I agree with other posters, this relationship is incompatible long term.

Tank you all.
Yes, I think the children thing is going to be the elephant in the room and I don't want my child to get close to him for him to then turn around and leave us to make a family.

All great advice here, thanks.