Should I message one more time / reassurance

[Rochellebee]

I had relationship for a year. I was really deeply in love. There were “little” red flags throughout (jealousy, insecurities on his part, never apologising). I decided to break up during argument in a text message - I know it’s not good, but anytime I would want to do that in person I got scared of his reaction - he tends to shout at me in arguments. After I said I cannot be in this relationship anymore he was sending me pages and pages of insults how I never loved him and I don’t care and im just cold hearted person and how I was manipulative (of course I wasn’t). It hurts soooo much. I wanted to see him in person to explain everything, but can’t bring myself to do it as im worried I’ll be just insulted. 1 year of relationship and great memories I wanted to just tell him how much I did love him and things I learnt from him. I can’t believe this relationship ended in such extreme. I never had that before - I always met with my previous partners to break up and we told each other why it’s ending and I remained friends with most of my ex’s. Obviously his reaction just made me realised I dodged the bullet, but I’m still thinking if I should try reach out one more time - maybe he cooled down (it’s been 2 weeks). What do you all think? I guess I’m really missing closure I don’t even think I can get

No. You were scared of his reaction if you told him in person. That tells you all you need to know. It’s over. Move on.

God no.

Your closure is you have dodged a bullet.

Have a lovely sunny weekend. Don't look back!

No, leave this and move on. The closure is that you made yourself clear even if it wasn't in your preferred format. He responded with abuse. The only further step here would be if he got in touch to apologise (don't hold your breath). You've got nothing to add.

No. He sounds toxic and having another conversation with him isn’t going to give you the closure you’re craving.

No no no. Put that thought out of your head OP. This one is not going to be your friend.

For god sake no! Give yourself a shake! You will gain nothing by doing this and will be handing all your power back to him. You’ve had a lucky escape, you should never contact him again.

Christ no ! You won't get closure from him and it really doesn't matter, it's over and he sounds vile.

No, no no. Do not meet him. It will not end well for you. You have closure and have dodged a major bullet. Block him on everything and move on.

No is a complete sentence, to coin a MN favourite. Just don't.

You don’t want closure you want to get back in touch with him and see if there is something there. Own that and don’t go back, it will only get worse.

The closure is that you have realised what an awful person he is and got out safely.
Don't look back.

You did the right thing breaking it off. But I don't think its a good idea meeting up in person. And certainly not telling him how much you loved him. I don't think that will do him any good at all. It will make things worse and he will probably think there is a good chance of you getting back together.

Isn’t his ranting all the closure you need? He isn’t going to stay friends with you and you were scared of his reaction during arguments while you were together - it’s likely to be worse in person now you’ve ended things.

Please have a think about why you only saw his anger, insecurity and jealousy as ‘little’ red flags and why you even want to speak to him now in person. He has clearly shown you who he is, he’s not going to say sorry (unless it’s part of the beg you back before turning hostile again cycle) and he isn’t going to have a calm and mature conversation.

You're not seeking closure, you're seeking validation, and you are even needing external validation about whether that's the right thing to do. Learn to validate yourself. The end of this relationship isn't about what he says. Whether you should contact him isn't about what we say.

It's all about you. Do you think it would be the healthy thing for you to do, to contact him again? Listen, deep down, to what your heart is telling you. Yes or no?

Nope.

Hell no.

I wanted to just tell him how much I did love him and things I learnt from him

You don't need to appease this idiot with reasons why you liked him, HE should be approaching YOU with an apology for his pages & pages of insults.

And he scared you into staying longer than you wanted to.

Why oh why would you invite this arsehole back into your life for round two? He's either going to shout & insult you more. Or worse he'll love you saying nice things about how great he was & you'll end up in bed ready to start the merry go round again.

Just let it go 💐

You know the answer. Don’t meet with this mess of a man. You can do so much better

Why would you want to meet up with this abusive bellend?
closure for what? You don’t owe him an explanation. The relationship wasn’t working for you so you ended it.

If you haven’t already, block his number and move on. He really isn’t worth any additional headspace.

And it really doesn’t matter if you loved him or not. People have relationships all the time without love so end it. Or fall out of love and end it. Don’t give him the satisfaction of what you learned from him - how to successfully get out of an abusive relationship- or that you love him. He will use the later against you to guilt trip you into trying again

He's abusing you. Block and move on.

So I’m definitely not going. I requested Claire’s law on him before break up and police has info to disclose . Blocking and never seeing him again

It was a bit of a daft question then , if you've requested Claire's Law - you know he's a wrong'un !

Nope nope and nope. Leave well alone op and move on as best you can .