Concerned about my neighbour - WWYD?

[monsterastuckiosa]

I moved to my neighbourhood a couple of years ago. I'm not in the UK, and I'm learning the language here, am fairly confident, but I'm in no way fluent yet.

I live in a little road where most of us know one another – we say hello and sometimes walk the dogs together.

There's a man in his 60s who lives alone and has always been very sweet and welcoming to me. We don't talk much but he always waves and smiles and we exchange pleasantries from time to time.

About a month ago an ambulance pulled in as I was leaving the house with the dogs, and when I returned I could hear this man shouting at the paramedics. He was clearly fighting them off as they tried to get him out of the house, and sounded very distressed. Another neighbour was leaving their house at the time, and asked me if I'd heard the shouting the night before – apparently this man had been screaming like an animal, so his next-door neighbour had gone to knock on the door and check on him and he'd opened the door wielding a screwdriver, so she left quickly. My neighbour said he often heard him emptying a lot of bottles into the recycling bins and thinks he has a significant alcohol problem.

Early this morning as I left with the dogs there was another ambulance outside and he came out on a stretcher with his face covered in blood and bruises and his arm in a makeshift sling.

I know he has family somewhere but they're not often around, and I just feel awful at the thought of him suffering so significantly on his own.

On the one hand, it's none of my business, and I don't want to get entangled in something potentially dangerous. On the other, he's been so warm to me and I hate the thought of him knowing that I've seen him in these states and not saying or doing anything to help.

What, if anything, could or should I do here?

Keep my nose out and maintain a distance? Acknowledge it with him? Something more?

It's good that you care, but acknowledging it with him could end badly... I would say IMHO, keep a distance, with an awareness of when you last saw him, so maybe you could contact the other neighbour if you haven't seem him for 'insert X hrs'? Neighbour will have the language, or will know how to contact emergency services if necessary. If he has alcohol problems, there is not a lot you can do about that sadly.

When I say keep a distance, still maintain the contact of pleasantries etc, but I wouldn't insert myself into a potentially dangerous situation.

Contact social services and raise it as a safeguarding concern. They can then look into it and provide support as needed. Could be dementia, could be UTI causing confusion, could be drink, could be various causes but at least you've passed it to people that can help

sounds as if he has a mental illness that may be a psychotic illness- so I wouldn't directly intervene or approach him to discuss it other than to call services or contact neighbours if you are worried about his wellbeing. He is likely to be well known to mental health services already. Of course you should continue to maintain pleasantries - he may well be functioning well when his illness is managed and a bit of kindness and compassion goes a long way.

I probably would still exchange hellos etc but not get involved too much. If he has been taken to hospital most like Social Services are already aware of him and his situation. Your other neighbour is probably in a better position to help if necessary.

Surely the ambulance/hospital would have referred him to Adult Social Services if that was deemed necessary.

@monsterastuckiosa You're very sweet to be concerned but the best thing is to act normal and say hi back when you see him and don't ask about what you saw. If he wants to speak to you about it and you're happy to listen great but I would strongly advise you not to open up the subject with him.

I wouldn't get involved. If you do you will get tangled up with him and it will only be a matter of time before he's shouting and being aggressive towards you. It's a sad situation but ultimately it's not your responsibility to sort it out.

i would maintain your current relationship with him but contact social services and express your concerns. Express you don’t want to be involved but push them to look into it.

Ugh. I know you're all right – I'll keep my distance. To be honest there's not really much in the way of social services here, but hopefully the hospital will be doing what they can to get him some kind of support.

I just hate the idea of him feeling embarrassed / that feeling of us both knowing something big that isn't being said.

It feels so false to be all "hello, nice weather, isn't it?" when there's a big elephant in the room that I'm pretending not to know about.

But you're right, I can't do much more.

To be fair if he has family they may keep away for their safety but make calls when necessary to relevant agencies. My dad was mentally unwell and there were times I had to keep well away. It's a sad truth that it doesn't matter how much you might want to help someone in your family, if they hurt you because of their illness the right thing is to keep signposting to appropriate services.

Yes they are meant to, however personal experiences working in adult social care says that people slip through the net many times.

I think continuing to wave etc, or otherwise carry on social interactions as before is better than trying to tackle the elephant. You've shown he's still being 'accepted' by you, without getting into something potentially controversial. FWIW, I once got involved with a neighbour that had things going on. Not as much as your neighbour, but my rational self told me before-hand that it could be a problem. It was a problem, and I got no peace, as she could see whether I was in or not, and used to appear at ungodly hours to tell me about craft projects/bring me an issue. I have since been very wary. The nearer someone is geographically (ie neighbour) the more they have the potential to disrupt your life.

Honestly?

I'd do absolutely nothing. It's very likely he's a raging alcoholic who's spent much of his adult life in addiction and pushing people away. If his own family have given up (presumably) there's likely a reason.

People with addictions need to want to change. You can't do it for him.

Interfering risks you getting hurt and not being able to withdraw as he lives so close.

Keep it friendly from a distance.

This reminds me of a situation at my friend's block of flats in London. There was a guy who lived there who was an ex professional sports player and he had gotten injured and unable to do his sport any more and had a breakdown. He used to get drunk and thrash about the living room making a lot of noise (shouting, etc). And one time left a trail of blood to his door. The neighbours were not supportive and they got together this campaign (a petition, with a list to sign) to get him evicted. It was horrible. HOWEVER. It actually ended well, as yes, he did get evicted, but he got put into supported accommodation and someone went to visit him and apparently he is a lot happier there.