ok need some words of wisdom/advice (relate)

[TLV]

Hi

have first relate session tomorrow since dh and I separated, this is the second time we've been although for me the first time it was to try to reconcile, with him it wasn't, this time i'm going because we need to find a way to be able to communicate without shouting/arguing as we have dd to think of (although if i could get to the bottom of everything and dh have a change of heart that would be great) i think dh is going to be quite difficult in the first session ie find it hard to open up and I don't want to go flinging mud/blaming him.

I also want him to understand that this is not a one off session and he has his say and i agree to everything. I would really like to find out why we ended up where we are now and how we stopped communicating. Any words/advice would be very welcome especially anyone who has been in a similar situation

bump

hi there,

firstly good luck tomorrow.

My advice is pretty concise. I hope you don't take that to mean your concerns are not serious.

The key here is that couple's counselling is a safe environment for couples to work things through with a skilled counsellor. Everything is valid in that forum. I would suggest therefore taking the concerns you have outlined here to the session itself. The counsellor may be able to use these concerns as a launchpad, a starting point. They will observe how you both react and interact and there is no better place to start than what you want from going to see her and your fears about it too.

Also a skilled counsellor will always be equitable and fair and, most importantly, not miss a trick so there should be little or no chance of your dh pulling the wool over her eyes.

If you get a good counsellor - and I am sure you will - they will be able to observe the dynamics between you and your dh, in the microcosm which is the therapy room, and help you to communicate better. A good counsellor will always help a couple to reach their mutually agreed goal. If you both go to a counsellor saying you want to save a marriage, they will seek to facilitate this happening. If a couple goes and says they really are over but need to find ways of functioning after the split, they will work with that too.

Above all you just need to trust the process and the counsellor.

Ok, that turned out not to be concise at all!!

Good luck tomorrow.

Postingatlast (a man)

well we had the session and i have to say that the good relate counsellors are definitely worth their weight in gold, she was fantastic, we bickered before entering and she totally picked up on his resentment towards me and not all of it my fault, and she hit the nail on the head a fair few times. Lots was said (too long to go into) but we will be returning and the best thing about it was we left on good terms and she gave some things to think about. I'm now going to just sit back and see what happens but also try not to build my hopes up