Hi,
I'm one of 3. The youngest. There was quite a big age gap between myself and my brothers when I came along (a happy accident, apparently). They were 12 and 16 when I was born. Both married quite early so the eldest had left home when I was 4 and the younger brother left home - and married - when I was 7. I have no memory of my brothers ever living in the same house and we were never really close. I saw them as distant uncles tbh.
My parents divorced when I was 8. I was taken to live, with my mother, at another house in the same town. Had always lived on council estates as my mum didn't work due to ill health and my dad didn't really have a career but seemed to drift into odd jobs here and there. Anyway, he never paid my mother any child maintenance for me as he didn't earn enough or something. I used to go to his house at weekends but it only lasted until I was about 11 as I soon got fed up of him sitting in the pub most of the day with his friends and leaving me outside with a glass of lemonade and a packet of crisps. I was old enough to know this wasn't right and refused to go anymore. I lost contact with my father and he died when I was 26.
This post is about my brother but bear with me as I need to give some background...
My mother was 40 when she had me (as was my dad) so they always seemed old to me. My mother (now RIP) was a difficult person and I felt trapped loving with her. She had an obsession with the medical profession and would constantly go to see the GP every few weeks and demanded medication for imaginary illnesses. One day her GP just lost his rag and struck her off of his list. She went crazy (I was about 14 at the time) and started starving herself for months and lost a lot of weight. She also became very aggressive with everyone including me. My brothers both had children by this point. The eldest had 2 and the youngest had 5. Both of my brothers likes their 'drink' and growing up, I won't lie, I looked down on them as they were no role model for me growing up (and, remember my father had also effectively deserted me). My older brother married a really nice girl. I was their bridesmaid at 4 years old. I don't think he realised how lucky he was but he, too, started drinking and quit his job and became a bum, basically. I don't know how she put up with him but she did. Anyway, this brother died last year (alcohol related) and she admitted to me she felt she'd been too soft with him and wanted to leave him. She said she loves him but had fallen out of love with him, if that makes sense. I didn't have a really good relationship with this brother as he always had a can of beer/lager in his hands and I always felt he was a bit drunk every time I saw him. He was never aggressive to my sister in law but I felt so sorry for her as she could've done a lot better. I don't know why men like this turn to alcohol. It makes them look like a loser which, in the end, he was! He hasn't worked for years before his death (his wife worked full time and had paid for everything). His children had left home and married by this point. I just thought he was a loser and embarrassed to call him my brother.
The younger brother very similar. He married a girl from a really rough family (always in trouble with the police etc.) and she was very, very young when they married in the local registry office. I was 7. I was very observant and would watch they way they lived their lives etc. Both smoked heavily back then and they had 5 children, one after another. Neither worked and they would gladly take any benefit that they could get their hands on. The kids were often thrown out on the street and told to come back at tea time. They'd come to our house each afternoon and sit and sit smoking all afternoon and just doing, generally, nothing. My brother had been a decent guy before he met her. He wasn't that bright though but I think it was more laziness than anything. Neither had any drive. Why should they go out to work when the government (and they were so stupid they thought the money came from a magic money tree rather than from the tax-payer) gave them all they needed? I used to look at them in disgust. They asked me to babysit night after night after night for them when I was old enough. Their house was a mess. She was lazy as was he. My mum, also difficult. I had to grow up amongst this. I was desperate to escape. I had nowhere to go so spent most of my time at home in my room or would go to my friends house. My friends parents would take me camping with them to the Lake District. This was my only release from being at home.
Anyway, my brother's (the younger brother) wife had an affair (got pregnant) and left him. He was devastated. The kids stayed with him, initially, but all (but one) eventually moved north to be with their mother. The kids all ended up the same as their parents (idle, couldn't be bothered, clueless) which infuriates me tbh. One son died a few years ago through alcoholism (again, this seemed a normal way of life for them). Others in trouble with police, bailiffs etc.
I, not that I am being a snob - as I'm not - decided I wanted a better life for myself so took advantage of a free education. Did a degree and entered my field straight after university. They all laughed at me when I said I wanted to go to university and said I'd be pushing a pushchair around at 18 or younger! I was so different to them. Maybe it's what I was witness to as a child that made me determined. I went on to do a masters and am now in senior management in my field. I married and left home at 26.
My younger brother got re-married a few years later to a woman who also had children that were similar ages to his. They waited until all kids had left home before they married. Anyway, my brother - to me - is thick. And, I mean, thick! He has let himself get like this through bloody ignorance and laziness. The other brother was intelligent but also had issues with alcohol which made him look stupid in my eyes. Well, he was, he slowly killed himself with the stuff.
Both of my brothers developed speech impediment. The younger brother to a greater extent. My husband/children haven't really had anything to do with either of my brothers as they really are/were on another planet! We had nothing in common.
My brother (the one still here) really sounds thick when he talks. He's on a different planet to me entirely. His spelling is atrocious. He writes like a 5 year old. He is 62! His speech is terrible.
Problem I have is that his second wife has just left him stating that they didn't get on anymore and she wanted out. She seemed fairly normal to me, has a job in the NHS, and probably got fed up of the way he is. He is devastated. Trouble is, he is ringing me all the time and I am finding him hard to deal with. I'm really not a snob but I can't help but look down my nose at him. His speech is awful. He talks about his kids being in trouble. It's awful. They brought this on themselves. We really are worlds apart and I wonder sometimes how two people, who came from the same genetic bag and womb, can be so different!! I feel for him but I can't help but feel it's his fault that she left anyway. I'm left picking up the pieces as my older brother and parents are RIP.
I don't want to desert him but I often want to disconnect the call as it's difficult to deal with. Any advice as to how I handle this?