Separation

[Confused7979]

Hi all
I am really confused and wonder if anyone can offer me any advice or info. I have decided I'd like to separate from my husband of 12 years due to various reasons, one being controlling on his part and how he speaks/treats our child. I find I am much happier and less anxious when he's not around. The issue is he works from home. I am a housewife with medical conditions and the primary carer. My child suffers with anxiety (I feel its a result of her dad) so I do think it's essential we split up. I don't have any money whatsoever and have nowhere to go. Ideally I'd like to stay in the house and he move out but I'm worried as he works from home i'll be the one expected to leave which scares me hugely. He has told me I wouldn't get custody if we ever split up as I'm ill with my mental health already and he's said the courts would favour him. This has also made me stay. My other children have left home because of him too. Does anyone have any advice for me please, I'm really struggling?

I would recommend you to reach out to Women's Aid to discuss his behaviour and what options may be open to you. I don't know the extent of his controlling behaviour, but the fact you say the children are suffering makes me think the situation is quite bad. Don't be scared by what he says re court, this is just part of his control to try and keep you in line. I escaped coercive control myself late last year and I know how incredibly difficult it is. I don't want to overwhelm you with possible scenarios of what you can do, but there are safe ways to leave and there is support out there for you. For example, it could be possible to apply for protective orders (non molestation and occupation) which could stop him from returning to the house. But I think in the first instance you need to talk to someone and make a plan on what will work best for you and your child to get away from this man.

Thank you for your advice. It I'd his mind games, never apologising, calling my daughter stupid and shouting at her for no reason and then shouting at me for not backing him up. Telling me not to spend money but he can get whate er he wants etc. His mum has said she wouldn't blame me if I left him as she can see what it's doing to our child. It is heartbreaking.

I don't have any money

You need legal advice. How are you planning on paying the mortgage if you keep the house?

That is heartbreaking and it is totally wrong. It is so hard to know how bad things have gotten until you are out and you start to see things for what they are - abuse. Please leave him and build a peaceful life for you and your daughter, you are strong and you can do this.

I've no idea about the house but I'm hoping because of his behaviour I will see if I can get an occupying order from the court if possible. With my daughter being anxious anyway I'm hoping the court will see its best if we stay in the house as long as possible. It is his name on the mortgage.

Prollynot
Thank you for your kind words, if I had the money I would have tried to leave a while ago but its not been that easy.

You still need to pay the mortgage if you want to stay. He wouldn't be expected to pay both the mortgage and for somewhere for him to stay.

This is why you really need legal advice.

I think you might qualify for legal aid in your situation OP. In the first instance reach out for help from Women's Aid and they can guide you on these things. They won't force you to do anything you're not ready for.

I second legal advice. If it's his name only on the mortgage then I'm not sure what rights you have, especially as yo u have no way of paying any of the mortgage yourself.
I hope you can get some sound advice - best of luck.