Evidence found of cheating DH- what next?

[Helpseeker101]

Hi, first post. First of all thanks to Mumsnet community for helping me get some relationship clarity, have been following other relationship posts with great advice. I always had a gut suspicion something was wrong in my long term relationship. This community finally gave me the guts and ideas to act on my suspicions. Have just found proof of DH cheat, suspect multiple casual partners. We paying mortgage for house and have young DD- DH has been avoiding time with us both in order to have hookups. I thought our relationship was strengthening after baby craziness. Anyone whose been there, what next? And what do I tell DD when her life changes?

What is your financial.position are you on the deeds? I would get yourself organised.

How old is your daughter?

You need to speak to him. I know this is heartbreaking and really tough. Have you git a good support network with friends and family that you can confide in?
ive been in similar situation except without a dd. You need to confront him and tell him what you found. Don’t go in all guns blazing, be calm so he doesn’t straight away react and try blame you for snooping. Listen to what he says initially and then ask him to stay somewhere else for a few days until you’ve processed things. When you hear what he says you’ll be upset and will maybe need time to think about your next steps and even about what you want to say to him. Tell your dd that he’s working away. You don’t need to tell her anything else just now.
when you’re ready, tell him you both need to talk and explain what you want- if you want to work things out or you want to divorce. Trust me, take a few days to think this through, don’t rush your words based on anger and upset. This is your life, no one can tell you how to feel or how to react.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, he’s not only cheated on you but your family too.

Make sure you've saved the evidence before confronting him.

Self care first. Shock is common and then a whole range of other symptoms related to trauma. It's a hard path. Please look after yourself.

Save all the evidence before he can start deleting his trail.

Know that none of this is your fault, not just saying it but really internalising it. He is the problem. You absolutely did not deserve this. I know that seems silly but many betrayed blame themselves.

Get your ducks in a row. Seek legal advice.

Read 'leave a cheater gain a life', really great starter book.

Talk to trusted friends, have your best people around you. Don't bottle it up.

Then speak to him when you're good and ready.

Your daughter will be OK. You will be ok but it does take time.

And whether you eventually stay or go, it is YOUR life, don't be shamed into a choice either way.

But if you choose to stay down the line, seek more help to do it safely.

Have you got your own bank account ? If not, get one. And get your wage and child benefit paid into it.
Put half of any shared savings into it.
Then you need to speak to a family solicitor, ring around for a free first chat.