I am being naive or jealous

[Alexa9982]

Some context: We married last December after six year of relationship. It was a beautiful lesbian wedding.

Here the issue:

My wife's best friend (friends since March) recently lost her husband tragically (mid April). Since that moment, they have been inseparable. My wife spends long hours at her friend's house (mostly during weekdays and according to her, because I´m working). In addition, they text and talk ALL the time, everyday.
I understand that my wife wants to support a friend in grief. However, a few weeks before this friend's husband died, something happened between them.

She told me that they were drunk, and her friend had told her that she was broken because she had not orgasmed for many years. My wife didn't think about it and touched her over the clothes.

My wife confessed to me the next day. She felt very bad and cried and immediately asked for forgiveness. I forgave her, and between the two of us, we discussed boundaries with her friend. However, everything changed with the death of her husband. Now they are having a codependency that is already affecting our marriage.
My wife tells me that she loves me and she tries to prove it to me almost everyday. However, she spends too much time with her friend. My wife is not only having problems with me, but she is also neglecting her work to the point that she has already been called out. Whenever the friend tells her that she is sad, she runs to support her.
This support has affected not only our time together but our plans for the future. Now our entire schedule revolves around the needs of her "bestie".

I don't know if I'm being naïve or jealous.

What do you think?

What age is your wife?

How long have you been together?

Youre saying they have only been friends since March 2022? Are now best friends? And that this woman’s husband died in April 2022?

She is 41. I´m 47 and the "bestie" is 57
We´ve been together for 6.5 years
They began a close friendship in March, although they had known each other since September 2021

Your wife is taking the piss. She barely knew this “bestie” but had a sexual encounter with her.. without thinking?
So she just got straight to it at the first opportunity?
And why are you not her best friend.
Can you have an honest and open discussion and make it clear this is affair territory and how it makes you feel

How did they meet and do you understand why the friendship suddenly accelerated?

There was a boundary crossed in the past, which although you wife expressed contrition, her behaviour subsequent won’t be alleviating your concerns.

Make clear that this woman is 57 years old, she’s old enough to reach out to others if she is feeling low and is likely to have others that can help support her through her grief.

Express how it makes you feel and that as newly weds you want to spend more time together and plan some nice activities together. Did you get to have a honeymoon?

I would be very, very seriously reconsidering this marriage. Your wife's behaviour is grossly inappropriate, on several levels. I call it cheating.

Your wife crossed a boundary with this woman. She knows this current behaviour is bothering you.

She is saying the word 'sorry' but not following through with actions.

She is disrespecting you. You are neither naive nor jealous: you simply have healthy boundaries, and your gut is trying to get you to hear them.

“She is disrespecting you. You are neither naive nor jealous: you simply have healthy boundaries, and your gut is trying to get you to hear them.”

This.

The whole thing is just strange. Your wife and this woman have only known each other since September 2021 and yet they’re best friends? That alone is odd. But the fact that your wife has been sexually intimate with this woman and runs to her side even though it’s jeopardising her job and neglecting you - that’s ridiculous. Such behaviour is not consistent with just being friends (even best friends). It is consistent with the intense beginning of a romantic relationship.

They met in Sept 2021, became best friends in March 2022.

This woman’s husband died in April and she thinks it’s appropriate to confide in a married woman who she’s known for 8 months? & your wife isn’t questioning all this or making any effort to distance herself?

OP, get the hell out of there. Save yourself the heartbreak. Trust your gut.

So she cheated on you with the same person who she now devotes all her time and attention to?

OP this is an absolute insult to you. However beautiful your wedding was, your marriage is a shit show and it’s not your fault. You are being betrayed.

She's taking the piss. This is not OK. Don't let her gaslight you. She's acting inappropriately and disrespectfully. Don't put up with it.

Yes, "sorry not sorry". It's shocking behaviour OP. You're not being over-sensitive.

She’s at least having an emotional affair. This other women is now her priority and your marriage is over

I don't know about you but there is definitely something going on between them. It's better if you talk to your wife and settle this.

No you're not being jealous or paranoid. Boundaries are most definitely being crossed. This is not acceptable, it is emotional affair territory and there's already been a sexual side to it, if this were a man you wouldn't even be questioning your feelings. You need to have a very honest and frank discussion with your wife.

She is having an affair with her new friend and she is not even trying to hide it.