Going to bed at different times

[SleepyMc]

Interested to know whether other people go to bed at the same time as their partners?

we always used to but recently I’ve been going to bed first- partly because I’ve largely given up drinking (a glass of wine always gave me a second wind) so am just ready for bed at 10pm. DH generally comes up at 11.30 or so.

It’s nice to have some peaceful time to read but we’re having less sex as I’m often asleep by the time he comes up. Is this just life or should we be making more effort to go to bed together? We’re both nearly 50 and have been married 20 years fwiw.

Oh goodness , everyone needs time to themselves, at all ages, surely.
Never go to bed at the same time here.

I always go to bed first. I like to get comfortable, stretch out and read in peace !

A bit of both here. No rules. If I'm tired I come up. Or if he is tired he does. It's nice having the bed to myself occasionally

I work late so sometimes DH goes to bed before I get home if he's had a long day, but often he will wait up. On weekends we go to bed together 99% of the time unless there is a clear reason why not to. I'd hate to go to bed separately all the time - it's our real time to chat and connect. I also hate going to bed, dozing off and then being woken by him a few hours later.
You just have to go with what works for you - but for me going to bed together is really important when we can.

Together 18yrs, married 12. DH goes to bed or is asleep on the sofa anywhere from 8pm-10pm and up from 4am!!! I'm a night owl and generally go to bed from 12-1am. (no kids).

I think we used to sleep at a similar time in the very, very, early years but not now. He runs a company abroad, hence why he needs to be awake so early!

We pretty much always go to bed at the same time unless one of us is ill.

If one of us wants to go to bed, the other tends to go too but I don't think we've ever discussed it.

Thinking about it though, if he came to bed after me he'd wake me up as I'm a light sleeper. If he went up first, I'd probably fall asleep on the sofa.

Is this just life or should we be making more effort to go to bed together

What authority decides the 'shoulds', here?

Once the children came along I would have late nights cleaning, ironing or just faffing. Not every night but plenty over the years. OH always early to bed, early to rise.

I've got my own bedroom so...

There's no "should" about it.
Some people might go to bed at the same time every night, others might never go to bed at the same time. I imagine most do sometimes and don't on other nights. Some people don't sleep in the same room. Some people might go to bed at the same time and not have sex at all. There isn't really a correlation.
Every couple "should" do what works for them.

dh and I go to bed at different times more often than not, simply because he gets up earlier than me and is nodding off at a time of night when I am wide awake and really productive. However, on other nights we turn in together.

We generally go to bed at the same time. If he is up early, I might read in bed while he goes to sleep, but we are almost always in bed together at the same time. We like it that way!

I go to bed early,(9.30-10) I need my sleep and also up early for work. DH comes to bed much later , around 12.30. He will lie next to me and browse his phone, watch fb videos etc.He will put his earphones in but I’m a light sleeper and the brightness often wakes me up. I would much rather he stay in the lounge until he was ready to sleep, whatever time that was.

My dh usually goes to bed later than me. It doesn't effect sex life though because he just goes back downstairs and stays up after that.

We've never been a couple that goes to bed at the same time. But then we've also never been a couple that waits until bedtime to have sex either.

Not unusual I would say.
I agree though that is has its own problems.

We’ve been married over 30 years. My DH is mad on watching sport of an evening so I usually have a bath, read my book and watch tv in my room. We spend a lot of time together each day, so it’s nice to just be alone sometimes or watch something on tv that he doesn’t want to. He comes to bed 10 pm and reads for a while.

We use to go to bed at same time when we were first together then I started going earlier as I like to read/relax on my own. Recently dh has started coming up with me 😩 so my alone time has gone! I miss it but don't want to stay down stairs as it's the being in bed by myself that I enjoy. It depends how often you typically have sex could you stay up on a weekend say till 11ish then suggest bedtime?

No rules about bedtime in my house. Adults generally go to bed when they feel like it.