Quitting or reducing social media when you have a lack of real life friendship

[Pinkwellies81]

I’m too reliant on social media (Instagram & Strava mainly). I want to reduce it as I recognise its not good for me & is having a negative impact in various ways.

Problem is, I WFH full time (job is quite solitary so don’t even have many phone calls) and I have no friends locally. (Don’t want to change jobs as I love it & it has amazing perks)

I have a couple of long distance friends & although we see each other a couple of times a year and get on great, they are not at all chatty in between times (eg if I text to check how they are, they just reply “good thanks hope you are well” - so obviously not looking to exchange a few messages or get into a chat.)

I’ve not succeeded in my efforts to establish a network locally - I’ve actually spent most of this weekend upset after seeing on social media that a group of ladies I do a sport with took a trip this weekend - I would have loved the trip but I wasn’t invited 😢 I have a child but have failed to make mum friends.

DH is always working or not really into chatting about feelings. I feel like our chats are just functional conversations like have you put the bin out / sorted out car insurance!!

I know a lot of my social media usage stems from loneliness, but I’m not sure how to combat this as my efforts to make friends all fail.

So although I really want to stop or reduce social media, I feel like it’s my link to the world & feel like without it I would be so isolated.

Any advice welcome - just don’t tell me to “join a club” as I have and it hasn’t got me anywhere

Have you just joined the one club? You have to keep doing it until you find one where you fit in.

Your husband sounds... unsupportive. Have you discussed with him how you feel? If you can't, why are you with him? Emotional support and openness is clearly a need of yours; is he simply not interested in meeting that need?

Also, DO something. Make things. Learn things. Work on things. What have you always wished you were good at? What have you always wanted to do? Start fulfilling yourself: it's nobody else's job.

I deleted all my social media about 3 years back. It felt at bit much at first but now I glad...ish that it's gone.

For me, bumble has worked best for making some new pals. I'm more out there and social than I've ever been this year because of it. But you gotta make the effort to ask people to meet up, within like 2 conversations ideally. Otherwise it'll end up just being chat that dwindles off into nothing.

It works better than all those social groups like meetup because the specific aim of ppl on it is usually to make friends rather than do hobbies together.

@Pinkwellies81 I hear you! It’s so difficult to meet people you can really connect with plus I’m so rubbish at small talk. Watching this thread with interest in case I can learn something.

I could've almost written your post, word for word. Unfortunately I don't know what the answer is!

Like you, I have long distance friends that I meet up with a couple of times a year, but there's no-one local. My children are a bit older now too, so there aren't the school gate opportunities.

I'll watch this thread with interest!

Funnily enough I started making more effort with local pals when I deleted Facebook. No idea why, but it has felt more organic and healthy. Still kept insta and TikTok as these feel less immersive somehow.

Thanks everyone

To answer some Qs, yes I’ve joined more than one group.

I have kind of accepted I’m just not well-liked. I’m not sure why, as I think I’m chatty, care about others, interesting, loyal, reliable etc, but there’s obviously something about me that just means people don’t take to me.

I find with groups other women will pair off and become friends outside the group, but that never happens to me. Or I’m never one of the “core” members who get invited to stuff outside the main group activities

DH isn’t unsupportive, he’s just not very chatty. it’s just his personality.

I do pursue interests by myself, I’m off work this week & tomorrow I won’t sit around I’m planning a long cycle (by myself) and will discover some new routes, probably try a new cafe for lunch. So I’m definitely not someone who sits twiddling my thumbs!

I can emphasise, I don't have many friends and moved here knowing no one, but it is slowly coming. Just takes time.

How long have you been in your new area? It sounds like you're doing all the right things, I'd just keep going along to groups, keeping busy, then if opportunity presents itself to invite someone along do it! Try to invite people to do things more, even just a coffee.

Following with interest OP! I feel the same, except I don't have a H so it feels even more difficult to get out as a single mum!

I have lived here 10 years

You are just like me, basically. If u live in the west country let's meet.

@ThatsAllFolks thanks but I am not near you

Meetup.com
Frolo

I'm recently single and before that became lazy and complacent after 10+ years. I'm a single dad now.

If you want something you really have to make it happen and just keep trying. It takes work and not being afraid of rejection / persevering.

It's not easy

I felt like this OP. I kept Facebook as it made me feel more connected to my local community. I deleted the rest.

I think it's a misconception that deleting all social media is the answer to everything. I like the connection I get from FB and real life new friends are not always easy to come by.

I understand OP
for me, it's MN. So many friends lost over the years...or that's how it feels.

it's nice to have a chat space.

I think the idea that social media is bad for you is not so much about chatting though?

years ago, I met people through Twitter though it seems to be all politics now so I rarely look.

Sorry to hear this op I'm the same I'm in Essex may look at that meet up see what's on💐

I'm the same OP.

I'm autistic and I think that's why I struggle to make friends.

I am truly fed up, miserable and lonely TBH.

I can relate to this, except single mum also. What helped me a bit was to set up and run my own group for a while. It's shut down now, and have a few friends from that but i was recently considering starting a new one. Maybe you could start a cycle and lunch meetup?

Tbh I'm around the same, 6 years, so can't offer much advice! Just that you're not alone in not having nearby close friends. Also my job is sociable so that does help. I limit my Facebook and made an anonymous Instagram and don't follow friends because i found that made loneliness worse sometimes. I just try keeping out and about too.

Err...those of you who say you've deleted all of your social media, you're on it right now!

(and yes, I'm similarly addicted)

@Cazzawazzawoowootoo I have also wondered if I am on the autistic spectrum as it might explain why I see myself differently to others.

I see myself as sociable, fun & chatty, but caring, considerate, think about others, intelligent, lots of interests.

But maybe other people see me as over-bearing & over-sharing ….. I dunno. But clearly others don’t see me how I see myself as otherwise I can’t understand why I struggle so much to make friends

You sound like me. I've always taken a very long time to move someone from person I know to friend and these days there isn't any one in the potential friend zone. I too have some long distance old friends who I love but none of my attempts to connect to others seem to stick.
I also like to cycle - perhaps a cycling club would be good for you? I struggle to commit enough but I think lots of people make good friends there too.