Standing my ground, or manipulation?

[GimmeTheTruth]

In a complete quandary over my relationship. Been with BF for 3 years, we’re friends previously.
When we started dating, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was three years away from my abusive Ex and a year post losing my dad suddenly. It was nice to have something positive happening in my life.
BF and I have a good time together, but I’m increasingly realising that our paths are likely to split as time goes on, due to financial reasons, living circumstances, etc.
I know if I bring it up, BF will be very upset, and will disagree with me - we’ve had discussions before but nothing ever really gets resolved.
At what point do I draw a final line in the sand? I’m someone who likes to have a plan - I want to spend time with someone who I’m building a future with. BF will say that’s what he wants too, but has no actual input and won’t elaborate on how he sees things going.
I’d be sad to lose the relationship, and I don’t want BF to carry on ‘firefighting’ just to keep things going. If I state my ‘wants’ am I just manipulating him to say what he thinks I want to hear? I’m so lost.

One way to help yourself find clarity is to write a list of wants - even if you think they are contradictory (I want x and I want this relationship). Start each item with “I want” and then pay attention to how you feel ie when you write “I want more children” (for example) do you feel a sense of peace, excitement, achievement or do you feel a sense of disconnect or dissatisfaction. Draw a line through any that feel jarring to you.

That might help you start to a) listen to yourself and b) have some clarity about your wants.

Follow the same process with “I need”, paying attention to what you need emotionally and psychologically as well as physical or relationship needs. The needs are non-negotiable, the wants are things you might have a variety of ways to achieve inside or outside the relationship or may change entirely over time.

It can be hard to even acknowledge your own wants and needs particularly following abuse, but it’s not being manipulative to tell someone what you need from them, quite the opposite.

Thank you @Jellycatspyjamas that’s incredibly helpful x