Damn it! Realized I have feelings for a friend

[JollieJullie]

I have recently realized that I have feelings for a friend. We met on an online dating platform 2 years ago, at the time neither of us was in a good place emotionally. We went on a few dates, we got along well but nothing ever happened and in the end he started hanging out with me and my group of friends, and he became a friend. Know that I know him, I realize he is not the type to make a bold move in dating, but at the time I didn't know and I assumed maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

In the last 2 years we have both done a lot of of work on ourselves. We are both single, mid 30s, looking for a life partner, living abroad but we are from the same European country. We have similar values, outlooks on life, and sense of humour. I can tell we are sometimes more "touchy-feely" with each other than we are with the rest of our friends; he often swiftly touches my back or my arm for example. He tends to sit next to me at dinner. He sends me funny or interesting videos, or songs, or book recommendations. We sometimes despair together at how awful online dating is, we are both looking for a certain type of person who is not so easy to find.

Our mutual friends sometimes tease me about him, since we are so obviously similar and everyone knows we originally met on Bumble. I know he thinks the world of me and I suspect that, even if he was into me (which I don't know if he is), he would be scared to try to date in case we ruin the friendship/ friend group.

I have recently realized I have a crush on him, and I don't know if I should somehow act on it or wait until it passes. When I am around him I have this crazy urge to touch him. When I receive a text from him my heart sings. We are due to go on holiday with our friend group and I fear what alcohol could make me do or say

Has anyone ever been in this position? If so, how did you handle it?

Honestly, he's only been a friend for 2 years and you started out dating. I would ask him on a date, or get drunk and have a snog or just ask him if he's considered it could be more.

It stops being a friendship once one person catches feelings and so best to play your hand. Because everything you consider part of friendship, is what you want in a relationship too. If he doesn't reciprocate then as gutting as it is, at least you know for sure and can stop hoping. I just hope he isn't using your feelings for him in a way to maintain his social life (at your expense). So do what's best for you, not him!

It stops being a friendship once one person catches feelings

No it doesn't. It's perfectly feasible to continue to be friends with someone and keep your feelings to yourself. You can still love and support them as a friend; your own desires aren't the only thing that matters, and whether they take precedence or not is entirely your choice, rather than a 'given'.

OP, there's no reason to keep your feelings to yourself. Just tell him. Don't make a big deal, so that if he doesn't feel the same, he won't feel pressured. All you have to say is 'Remember how we met on Bumble? How would you feel about going on a date as more than friends one day?' That's it.