Appropriate or inappropriate to try and give a therapist a heads up re relative new client?

[Summerwhereareyou]

Close relative is in a dire state with alcohol and misery, we have managed to find and persuade her to see a therapist. Now this person maybe busy, not able to see her etc.
We feel quite panicky about this, and were wondering if we should email the therapist to say...our relative should hopefully contact you,she's drinking very heavily and we want to help her .
I'e so therapist knows to refer her to someone else or make space or give adcise?
Or is this madly inappropriate?
Ideally If we could wave a wand this relative would be in rehab.

Anyone?

Ideally you would support your relative to follow up, either they'll get an appointment or, as you say, if the therapist is too busy, then your relative can ask directly for alternative recommendations.

You could ask your relative for permission to make the contact initially on their behalf, to at least establish if they are likely to be able to help.

totally inappropriate.

Your relative (and the therapist) needs to know for certain that anything said is entirely, permanently confidential. That means no third party interference.

It's hard to force people to have therapy when they are not in the place to receive that therapy

Families can end up spending thousands of pounds on rehab without any discernible benefit, purely because that person was not ready to change

Ii puts the therapist in a difficult position, ethically. Congruence (truth) is a corner stone of therapy and they would have to tell their client you contacted them. There are other ethical boundary issues too - as someone else said, if your relative gives permission that is different but the therapist would need proof of the permission.

I don’t understand why you’d do this. Do you think the therapist will not know how to deal with an enquiry from your relative appropriately?

Thanks for the responses, I agree with all of them.
My relative has had a massive issue with drink for a long time but what's alarmed us recently is that she's had some major personal problems, through no fault of her own and anyone would struggle to deal with it.
Her drinking has gone Haywire to the point of stealing ourselves for the worst phone call.
So we are trying to get her at least to a therapist who may help but we know our relative would be like nothing is wrong.
So we weren't sure whether to give some ore background so they had some idea of what the issue is.
We sort of already know what they are! So we were trying to cut corners.
However it gets murky and I completely understand about ethics which is why I was just casting about for thought here.

The person has admitted they have a drink issue but whether they will to a therapist?

We see her as someone about to jump off a bridge.

If they don’t tell the therapist it’s because they aren’t ready to admit it and stop drinking. Have you looked into al anon for yourself?

"We sort of already know what they are! So we were trying to cut corners."
Have you gotten support from Al-Anon for yourself and your family? Because it sounds like you are still in a place of trying to "fix" them and thinking that's actually possible.
You need to let go of the reins here. And I really, truly do know how enormous an ask that is.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it stop drinking.

No Al anom yet no.

I appreciate the comments I know we can't stop an addict etc but at the moment no one has actually tried , expect to shout at her and get irritated.
A new avenue has opened up and we are hoping to try that and get her to see this therapist who will help to tackle her reasons for drinks.
We know she may not want too but as yet no one has really tried.

Hmm. Danger to themselves. Doctor? Depends how close the relative is, but sounds like a sectioning order might be a faint possibility. Ring your doctor.

Tbh op if they are not willing to admit to the therapist they are drinking, it’s not worth them going into therapy. They therapist would need to know that they were drinking to have any hope of it working.
As previous posters have said alcohol anonymous maybe a good place for you it get some info.
Sounds like a really difficult and heartbreaking place for you to be in.

The therapist will not be able to listen to you and how on earth would this help? If your relative is going to get anything out of the therapy they need to trust the therapist to feel able to divulge any issues including the drinking. This trust will not happen if you are trying to intervene however well intentioned you are.

Time cansu.

I can't see how her body is tolerating the amount she drinks..she does have night off but when she drinks it' can be like 24 + hours on medication as well.
Time issue of having to wait for her to say it etc where as if the person already knew, they may help get her there sooner.

It's a delicate situation and the consensus has been not to say anything.
We are all just so worried.

Therapy isn’t a magic wand, even if you do talk to the therapist they will still need to work with what your relative brings. They couldn’t say “I know you want to talk about x, but @Summerwhereareyou has told me you need to work on your alcohol use”.

In saying that, has your relative asked you to find them a therapist, are they referring themselves, do they want to be in therapy - if you did contact a therapist on your relatives behalf they will want to know that the client actually wants to be there. If they therapist doesn’t have space they’ll let whoever refers know and may point them to someone else. They would also pass on anything you told them, including that it was you who said it because the therapy relationship needs to be as transparent as possible. People often don’t tell the whole story in therapy, you need to trust the therapist to know this and to do their job.

Thanks jelly cat