How to read this guy

[LostInDating]

Hi everyone.

So I have been married for almost my whole adulthood life, now I’m separated. As I’m trying to get back to dating I realised that I don’t seem to know how to read the guys!

Long story cut short - I met this guy on Salsa classes I signed myself up back in December. I had my eyes on him from the start…few months down the line (I declined some dates from other guys out there) and been consistent in making eye contact / having few danced with him etc. He started to teach Kizomba in that bar so I joined his classes- we got more comfortable with each other.
Since then he’s been walking me back to my car after each lessons, kissing me in my forehead for goodbye ?!?!?! Opening the door for me, had few chats in his car before going home, spend few night out together…anyways, last night same things happened and he did give me kiss on the cheek when dancing on the dance floor and the Eskimo kiss (nose to nose thing) which was cute…but god damn it I want him to kiss me properly 😫

Is he not into me or he is the gentleman and takes his time to make a move on me ?!

please help - what do you think ?

He's either not free, but knows you're keen on him, or he's simply not that keen on you.

A guy who is free and interested would've either made a 'move' or asked you out on a proper 'date' by now.

Move on from this guy and accept other offers of dates from guys who are actually interested in getting to know you better.

The last guy I dated was like this..a while went by and I was so confused why he wouldn’t make that move..then I decided I was going to kiss him,. boom..he was like mr 50 shades of grey..sadly he was also a sulker who didn’t seem to appear to deal with normal life situations v well and started ignoring me.
How do you feel about going in for a kiss? I’d imagine he ain’t like this with every woman?! Do you think he’s nervous?

So like he mentioned before he wanted to meet outside the classes with me, I responded “sure will make a plan” because I wanted to play it cool, make him wait/chase a bit, show an effort, you know.
He also knows I have two kids and they are my priority, I am progressing in my career (he knows that) so I thought maybe he respects my responsibilities as a mother and healthcare professional and simply waits for me to make a time for him ?!

So last night he did asked me what my week looks like - obviously it’s busy as usual - then asked me about the weekend - I said I have no plans.. he said he would love to see me - I said ok.

A week ago we were out at the same party and was quite late so I said I’m leaving because I am tired, he offered to stay at his rather driving back to my place (40mins drive) , he said “I will give you my bedroom and I sleep on sofa”.. then he mentioned to meet up for a movie but again I was busy so plan slipped..

I don’t make a move on a guy - ever ! I think I’m frightened of rejection you know…
and no I haven’t seen him like that with any other woman but again I’m not with him 7days a week…

Don't date a guy you need a forum to understand.

So he's asked you out, twice, and you've said you're busy?! If I was him I'd be thinking "She's obviously not interested"

I get that I have given him signs as “not interested” when he asked me before but again it’s so hard to know which guy takes you seriously…I mean at the bar guys offer a drink but most of them just want an easy girl to play around…
And I’m not willing to waist my time and energy of them ‘boys’

When he keeps trying to make plans and you’re busy/can’t do you not suggest another day? You don’t have to be making the first move if you’re just saying “right, let’s find a date we can both do” next time the subject comes up. If nothing gets organised soon I’d not hang around. If you both can’t even get this stage off the ground it’s not going to work!

It shouldn't be this hard.

Oh OP...

He wanted you to go back for a shag. And you missed it.

I'd be very careful though, because I doubt you're the only pupil he's like this or has been like this with.

Trust me it is hard when a girl gets marry 8-9 years ago to her first ever boyfriend and never dated anyone before…makes me feel like I am from another era 😜😂😂 I have no experience at all and at the same time I don’t want to be heartbroken and scared to date again

See that’s what I’m saying - I knew I should decline and see if he is willing to hang around coz I’m not after a shag.

If someone makes you feel happy and secure, stay with them. If someone makes you feel confused/unclear/less than happy, don't stay with them.

There are no rules, so you can't be 'out of touch'. The only guideline you can follow is 'Are you totally happy with this person?' That's it. Following your heart is always right.

Thank you Everyone 🙂

I will need to meet him up as soon as possible to see what’s his intentions really are and then I can clearly get an answer about his intentions and then move either direction / with him or without.

Out of curiosity why are you so set against dating/seeing other people? Would it be so bad if you dated or slept with someone for fun? Just to dip your toe back in and get used to dating.

Also.. my male gay friend (some have confused him as being straight) is very attentive; touchy with affection (forehead kisses, opening doors etc.), could he be gay? Hence the.. “want to do something outside of what we’re doing?” But it feeling platonic.

IMO, if a man is too hard to read it’s because the situation isn’t what you’re looking for and instead of it being obvious you’re looking for clues and hints which in reality isn’t romantic at all- may be completely off though!

I think since I separated I have been dating and sleeping around “just for fun” but some guys got really serious and “heartbroken” (coz they weren’t my cup of tea for a log term relationship) maybe that’s what put me off from just having Fun around - like guys do get hurt too- or some are so pushy that even though I said 2-3months back I don’t want to go on a date they will come back and ask again and again- like one “no” is not enough to them…
another guy I have been seeing for few months turn out to tell me that “he wasn’t expecting a relationship from me” - like what the hell we have just been doing ?!?! But I wasn’t allowed to even dance with others because he would get jealous and funny around me if I did - do we basically were in “situationship” I didn’t know about.

The “gay” thing did cross my mind at the very start when I saw him there - but after I got to know him I’m not sure. He’s been married before and got two kids/ after that dated a girl for few years but broken up and been single for last 2years… he said he is “hoping to date by end of this year” as he was busy with opening business etc
I don’t know what to believe these days 😜🥸😂😅 also haven’t seen him interested or acting affectionate around other guys there…so not convinced about him being a gay.

it’s a total mix - let’s see how it goes - if it’s just a one night stand I am fine with it at the end of the day I do fancy him so it’s a win win 🤣😂