Can I ask you something about attraction?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

By this I mean towards a (potential) partner.

Is all or mostly just about physical?

Because to me, people become attractive, better yet I say they ’become their looks’ to me while I get to know them.
And if I like their personality and the way I feel around/with them, then they are attractive to me.

Is this weird? Does any of that make sense?

So often people describe how it HAS TO BE this color hair or eyes and this weight and that tall, and I just sonmt relate at all….

My DH has definitely thought a woman increased or decreased in attractiveness after knowing her or even sometimes just from the way she speaks. If she sounds rough, common and loud it's an instant turn off for him.

I personally can be attracted after knowing the personality if his looks are 'borderline'. If his looks have traits that are a hard no then I still would not feel attraction even if he has a wonderful personality.

Yeah, I know what you mean.
You could be demisexual perhaps?

I'm not quite that myself, because I can find people attractive based on looks alone, but how much I find them attractive can change massively based on personality.

True, we don't choose our face, it's actually a bit weird to hang around with someone because of the way you perceive how their face is arranged. Although yes, over time, if they have loveable qualities you'll love their face.

Part of my attraction to my partner is the way he smells, it's lovely and drove me crazy in the early days before we got together properly.

@speakball I think it's weird if you choose friendships based on looks but for attraction it's not weird. The face and body give you so many indications and information about their health, lifestyle and genetics. I really think we're wired to be attracted to people who can give us attractive healthy children even if we don't children.

100% its not just about looks with my DH, everything about him, when I met him he was very independent and had his shit together which I found very attractive, plus the conversation flowed

I think it's somewhere in the middle.

I can think of people I objectively would say are not attractive but there's been something about their personality that made me want to be more than friends. Otherwise I'd fancy all my lovely female friends too. So a kind of spark or electricity.

The first one, it was def his eyes. Just pure blue and the way he'd just hold eye contact. Never went more than kissing so I don't know how that would have progressed but that was more to do with situation and age.
Second one, actually also something about his eyes. Never reciprocated despite being very flirty but then he's a committed bachelor so I feel less rejected. Even having moved on and married happily, there's still a spark of connection when we see each other a few times a year. Would never ever happen now I should say

We're now labelling "I'm attracted to people I like personality wise?

Not quite. Demisexual is when you literally can't find people sexually attractive until you get to know them. Personality is the turn on, not looks/body etc. It's pretty rare I'd imagine..

Sorry for mentioning a label 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just remember reading about it years ago and thinking I could relate a little that's all.