Should I drag up the past in order to save my future

[Hereagain22]

NC for this.

my partner and I were together for nearly 10 years. He was 18 when we met and has been hot & cold 3 times during our relationship.

A few years ago (6) when we were not together I went out and ended up waking up beside his best friend. The only thing I remember about the night was how his friend got me so so drunk and was telling me my (ex) cheated on me all the time and could not be trusted. We were apart at the time because I found out he cheated on me. His bf said we did have sex, i have zero memory of it and woke up in my underwear. Some of my friends were with us that night and warned him to back off as I was far too drunk and he would be taking advantage. I have always said that if anything did happen it was un-consensual, however as I have no memory of it (and therefore no painful memory of any abuse) I have just put it behind me.

Fast forward to 3 months ago, my partner left again, however has since said he really wants to make it work, but he has to know the truth about that night. He has said that either his friend (who is no longer his friend) needs to admit nothing happened, or I should go to the police. Either way he says he can’t be with me unless he knows the truth.

This so called ‘friend’ has just had a baby, is in a committed relationship and I feel doesn’t deserve to have this all dragged up, just because my (ex) can’t be mature enough to get over it. I’ve said that even if I went out with him, had a romantic night and planned to sleep with him, that him and I were apart because HE CHEATED.

Am I wrong to not action this request. This guy was my whole life, he was everything I wanted and I honestly thought we’d be together forever (he cancelled our wedding because of this). Should I dig up the past or should I feel that if he truly loved me he wouldn’t want me to go through all of this?

i feel like I’m being taken for a fool here, but wanted as many other opinions as possible before I close the door on someone I thought I’d be with forever.

thanks in advance

Cheers @LemonTT - this man's motivation is SO disturbing.
He basically wants to Fridge OP for his own gratification - www.cbr.com/fridging-history-comics-pop-culture/

Fast forward to 3 months ago, my partner left again, however has since said he really wants to make it work, but he has to know the truth about that night. He has said that either his friend (who is no longer his friend) needs to admit nothing happened, or I should go to the police. Either way he says he can’t be with me unless he knows the truth.

"He can't be with you"?? WTAF? How desperate can a woman be to want this cheating serial arsehole 'to make it work' with her?

Find your self respect OP.

oh raise the bar op, it doesn’t matter if you shagged this bloke all week long and twice on a Sunday, you were not together and he even cheated on you, on this his friend was telling the truth.

accusing this man of rape, unless you feel this is something you wish to do, just to make this cheating arsehole happy is wrong. So wrong.

deal with the issue at hand. The bloke you think you love is an abusive manipulative cheating piece of shit.

Statistically proving this in a court of law is problematic.
So if the courts decide there's not enough evidence in your statement to proceed, then your ex will seize on this to brand you as a liar who accuses men of rape. Then he'll tell you that he can't be with you because of this.

Make no mistake, he's fucking loving that this happened to you so he can fuck one or both of you over in the worst way possible. You need to get well away from him, and also his former friend.

Thanks everyone for the comments. I just needed confirmation that it was wrong of him to ask. I appreciate it may look like I have no self worth, but I really do. I guess I was just heavily invested by giving 10 years of, what I see, as my best years, to this ‘man’.

You have the power to make sure you don't invest another minute in this 'man'. Walk away. Ignore him. He is a cheat, he is trying to hold something against you that was a sexual assault. Even if it had been consensual you weren't together at the time so it's none of his business. He's the one who lies and cheats. He isn't worth fighting for. Run!

If you have no kids run a fucking mile

but tell him anyway that you have no memory other than waking up in underwear so you don’t know what happened. Going to the police won’t help anyone. Only the bf knows what happened that night.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Both of these men are nasty pieces of work .

You don't have to give him the next 10 years OP.🥀