I need to move on?...

[itscomplicatedlife]

Been with my DP for over 10 yrs we have a 3yo, major cracks appeared since dd came long, so much to go in to so I'll try to be brief but want to know what your thoughts are of this and if you'd leave. I had a disaster birth in recovery 4 days, broken coccyx, baby didn't sleep through until 6 mths ago is 3 now, she won't 5+ a nt for first 18 mths. His head may have been up his arse but I was doing all the nts lions share first
12 mths on mat leave until Exhaustion kicked in but still did most, I was a zombie, very unwell, he was tho still managing to get up at 5.30 to exercise, I was up first thing with baby, never offered a lie in. Reluctant to take her out for couple hrs so I got some time on my own. He wasn't forthcoming with baby at all, left her mostly to me. It deteriorated hugely after she turned 1, felt unsupported in a childcare respect, he's a high earner, high achiever. Sensible verging on anal, overly serious, meticulously plans the crap out of things, that type of person, naively didn't see it coming!! Just lately noticed he defaults in monotone our dd it grates on me, he doesn't listen to me, today I was discussing in the car where we could walk to he gets out and shuts the door whilst I'm still talking! It's so rude. He got dd out and said to me, her nappies full you know!! Like she's entirely my responsibility even though I'd checked her at last stop, she's allowed to use her nappy. Had a go when dd followed me to trolley bay as he wasn't listening when I'd said very clearly I was just going to trolley bay, very ott shouting that she could have been run over, had my first bath on hol and he comes in the bathroom twice to get stuff, it's irritating I said I'm sorry but it's not peaceful being interrupted and got a tirade of I'm so miserable. Hasn't once asked me if I'm feeling ok or not worried since I had a biopsy taken for a cervix issue a few days ago. Just fee done with him as surely I can do Better for myself. He's just so argumentative but says I am. I know what I need to do but I can't seem to do it!! 😣

You’re totally right.

You can do better for yourself, and will feel much better by yourself.

Having another adult with you who is as utterly fucking useless as he sounds, is worse than being alone. He sounds like an absolute waste of skin.

I've been trying to make the best of this and hoped things would work out but time is shown that it isn't it's just goes from repair to rupture to rupture to repair. When I spend the day with my friend it's so easy! I can disucsss with her where we're going it's mutual and respectful we decide and off we go, with him everything is so hard I think he likes to be in control and is finding it hard that I've found a mind of my own! I had a lot of growing up to do clearly and just stupidly didn't see it and I should have. He's quite strong willled, very opionated and rarely seems to want a laugh! I am a laugher and
Joker and I don't know why I'm still here expect I know im terrified of Change but the idea of it fills me with such immense freedom and relief too. It's the up n down it's all day it's vile! And if we do reach point of parting ways he'll
Say you sort the house move as he knows I am terrified to do it as I'm crap at this sort of thing whjch is awful as he knows that and that clearly shows what type of person he is that he's willing to make parting ways as uncomfortable as possible for me that's how I see this you sort it all then. 😥 I have since spoken to cab, worked out what I need to do and am ready mentally to do this when I get to the stage I just don't want to be stuck here forever getitng my courage! Abs hate that I'm in this position it's so depressing

He just seems interested in his career so much like has no friends outside of work he just isn't interested it's just us, I never noticed this before as I was so busy with my own job I only really had a Sunday off some wks but it's not normal. He has don't a lot for us financially but from a childcare perspective he just isn't interested. First time we went to a park he wanted to leave after 30 mins dd is so shy I refused and said no she needs to be here but I hated having him following me almost looking like he didn't want to be there; asked him why he honestly said as it's full of women! I said that's crap and pointed out the few dads I could see and it broke my heart to see them all looking very happy to be there. I was dead on my feet when she was 8-9 mo I'd say I fee I have no energy but he kept saying I've got to work, he just couldn't do the nts and only fairly split them 50/50 as i went bk to work FT to split things fairly as I was so shattered he then got diagnosed with a bowel issue and said it was stress that triggered it off, but his nephew was diag with it and since found out it's hereditary. I went through one of the worst labours there was, lost my mum to cancer when dd was 6 wks old, dad had heart failure 9 mths in and had to start an entirely new FT job when she turned 1. I just need to get on with it but he wants 50/50 custody whjch is fair enough it's only fair and the idea of not seeing dd half the time is gut wrenching but it's my own fault I should have seen it coming, could kick my younger stupid self for not being more switched on but it's life I mad w massive mistake but I couldnt go bk and undo it either as my amazing dd wouldn't be here, just such a shame I think as it's just proving over and over it won't change and it never will

*he kept saying (I've) got to work, meaning he's got to work FT

Dear OP, I know how you feel and I know that this is hard, it is probably the hardest thing you will have to do in your life, but it is the right thing. This man is not right for you, he makes you feel miserable, he is making things harder for you, he does not add to your life. The things are not going to get better over time, just worse and it will get harder to leave. So, leave as soon as possible, get a good lawyer to help you through divorce, get a good therapist to get you through emotional stuff and take care of yourself and your daughter. Hugs💕

@movingon2022 Thank you! I'm afraid this is all true, time has shown it's on repeat constantly, I'm at a critical point now where I know what I need to do and I'm very close, Im
So glad I managed to get that all down on a post as that's exactly how it's been. Thank you for taking the time to reply x x

Sounds like he’s checked out of family life.
Move on.

He's just awful, today he refused to take our daughter to a party of one of her close friends as I was unwell, his reason was because he didn't know anyone!! Neither do i! I said it isn't about you, this is how it works, it's about her building friendships for life and wanting to see her happy, wanting to see who her friends are and meet their parents, possibly make some friends for life! Wth wow!!!