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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Scared of impending divorce

5 replies

Westminwarthog · 12/06/2022 15:59

i have 2 young kids and a difficult DH. He’s been difficult in almost every way (I’ve posted about him before) and I’ve been told to leave him but this weeeknd was awful and I’m really worried. He disagreed with something I said (politely) whilst his family was staying. He started screaming at me, right up in my face and at top volume. Then he followed me around the house screaming how awful I am and threatening me. He kept screaming questions at me and wouldn’t let me answer. I made myself a cup of green tea to hold so I could try Abs stay calm. He came over and hit the cup from underneath so the tea hit my face.his family all supported him (as usual) and his brother told me I was angering him and I should leave.

I obviously know that everyone will advise me to leave but I’m so scared.

im scared of his temper, I’m sure he’ll ask for some custody of our children (11 & 6)

im scared that he will take them back to Pakistan where Sharia law will apply. He’s wanted to move there or to the Middle East for a while and would find work easily.

in scared that I only work part time. I can’t afford our current area. I’m sure he won’t pay any child support.

im scared that my sister is married to his best friend and they will definitely want to make her pay

im scared that his family will treat my children poorly/ fill their heads with nonsense if left unsupervised

im scared my kids and I (and parents) will be ostracised from the community and left with no support.

im so guilty that my eldest has offers from 2 excellent private schools for Sept and if I leave he won’t be able to attend either. He’s worked so hard.

theres more but my mind is just whirling at the moment. I can’t talk to anyone irl. Just trying to get it out here as I’ve always found sound advice on this board.

OP posts:
Westminwarthog · 12/06/2022 16:14

Sorry, thought of some more. We’re on his work visa so worried about what that means for us staying in the country/ him staying in the country.

but If I don’t stick up now I know he’ll get worse

OP posts:
WorkHardPlayHard1 · 12/06/2022 16:20

Wow I am so sorry that you have had to go through this.
He is definitely a bully and you are the victim. Knocking hot tea in your face is totally unacceptable.

Can you get some support from your best friend and make a plan together tomorrow when kids in school?

Sending a big hug and lots of love.

You can do this xxxx

SpringCalling · 12/06/2022 16:32

I think you need to get legal advice as a priority. So you know the legal situation about staying in this country, can see if the kids passports can be marked so they cannot be taken out of the country etc. That needs to be your priority.

Westminwarthog · 12/06/2022 16:41

Thank you both, I feel so cornered right now I can barely think. I’ve set up a secure email account and emailed solicitors from the law society’s page which specialise in divorce and immigration. I’m worried that any legal protection for the kids will require me to prove that my husband is harmful to them , which would be difficult as he doesn’t ever hurt them and I have no evidence of his behaviour towards me

OP posts:
SpringCalling · 12/06/2022 17:47

Well done getting started with the solicitors! It will all just be one step at a time at the moment whilst you find out your options. Personally I think getting a flag put on their passports to stop them going out of the country is major for you, as if he takes them to Pakistan and does not bring them back then that’s an impossible situation. You may think he would never do it, but it’s not worth that risk.

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