Boyfriend becoming increasingly lazy in the bedroom, any tips on making changes?

[CharlotteLightandDark]

NC for this, also posted in Sex topic but not sure how much traffic it gets?

I’ve been with my partner for 8 years, we live together. Our sex life used to be really good, in terms of quantity and quality. Recently for me it’s definitely been lacking in quality - still v frequent but with little or no foreplay, for example he hasn’t gone down on me for months. It often feels like my body is just being used for him to jizz into.

We do have our moments of good chemistry and do have good quality sex still, but most of the it’s ‘maintenance sex’ which does little for me.

I have talked to him about it, and he admits he can get lazy but says if this is the only thing he’s lazy about then he’s doing pretty well, and everyone is lazy in some ways. I said to him that I wouldn’t have chosen to commit to a partner who was lazy/selfish in bed and feel a bit cheated that this is what I’ve ended up with. He says I can ‘request’ what I want, and maybe I should, but I don’t like the idea of asking him to do something he’s not up for doing.

Other than this the relationship is good, he’s a great guy and I love him.

Not sure what I’m asking here, but i wondered if anyone else has been in this position on either side, and was there anything you did to help turn things around?

because you see, everyone is lazy in some way.....so give him a break....yeah?*

Argh....the typos today!"

OP.. you have a potential cocklodger. He'll stop doing the other work soon too.

Does he pay half bills/rent? Does he pay in to a pension or is he expecting to sponge then too? You've essentially set yourself up with a housewife 😂

I had a boyfriend like this, the first few weeks he would go down on me for ages, then that turned into just a few minutes...I was gagging for more, we ended up sorting ourselves out (I made myself cum and vise versa), and he never wanted to cum inside me, (that's my ultimate turn on) even though I was on the pill. Was such a turn off.
I would stop giving it to him. He's selfish!

He works two days a week, does a bit of house work and wanks himself to sleep? What a catch.

Couple all that with shit sex and I’d be calling it a day.

Start to have sex with him, but just as he approaches orgasm, stop and say you’re done so it’s over. See how content he is with lazy sex where you can’t really be bothered to make it pleasurable for him.

This.

He doesn't have much to recommend him OP. Lazy in bed and hardly works. What do you see in him?

This!! I’d have zero respect for a guy who lived in MY house and tinkered at a career and was a lazy, selfish prick in bed

As I said, because he can!

Does he have a wonderfully high paying job to enable him to work only a couple of days a week? What does he bring to the table financially?

So he only works two days a week? He lives with you in your home, doesn't he want to buy his own home? To be honest that would really put me off.

No no no no no no no.

He’s behaving incredibly selfishly!!!! You should NOT be putting up with that. A good partner makes sure you are satisfied too. Otherwise what’s the point?? You’ll only end up feeling even more resentful as time goes on.

he just can’t be bothered, sorry. You can do a much better than this.

I know, it is like having a housewife!

positives are that I have to do very little cooking and housework, I have a stressful professional job so this is definitely a plus.

he doesn’t pay rent as it’s my mortgage, but he does pay half the bills and buy most of the food. No idea about his pension, not really thought about it tbh.

our set up might be less traditional than many but it always worked well for us, although I will definitely get more and more resentful if this doesn’t improve.

I would definitely end a relationship over bad sex, it’s important to me!

no not high paying at all.

I never got together with him for financial incentives, but because he was kind, funny, good in bed and took care of the home.

I don’t think mens only use is as provider, i earn decent money and can provide for myself.

need to consider if kind, funny and a great cook is enough - am sure it would be for some women 🤔

He works PT, cooks and does some cleaning (not all) whilst you work FT in a high end job plus looking after your kids, also some cleaning and presumably you do all house admin and organising?

Yet he's the one too tired to be equal with sex?

He doesn't sound fab, OP

Sex is about much more than an orgasm. I think you both need to relearn or educate yourselves about that.
What's the point in a roll-on roll-off.

definitely more than he does me.

Turn about seems more fair to me.

Well it's easy to be funny and kind when you work part time and are living with mummy.

Update: after a couple of days not having sex or discussing it further, last night we have some progress and he came up with the goods last night.

thanks so much for the helpful responses here, agree would be good to do a bit of couples work and talk about expectations and making sure we’re both happy and on the same page. Thanks all

You've essentially set yourself up with a housewife

and what is the issue with this, are you saying the men who have a good paying job should dump their wives if the wife only work part time and does most do the cooking, cleaning and pays half the bills ?

‘Came up with the goods’.

He is a mere boyfriend, not a husband.
You do not owe him your time or energy or any suffering for the sake of your children or whatnot.
Tell him since he is no longer meeting your needs, and being happy and satisfied in a relationship is what keeps you there, that there is no reason to continue this relationship and that you will be moving out (or kick him out if it is your house) within the month.
Then you move on. This relationship has run it's course and is no longer a good situation for you to be in. That's fine. Happens even in marriages so don't feel too bad. My personal feeling is that boyfriends are a waste of a woman's time anyway. Do you realize how many decades of women's lives we waste on "boyfriends" and worrying about them, sacrificing for them, compromising our needs desires and very souls for them?