What to do in this situation - DH

[packedlunches]

Genuinely can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not but too scared to post in AIBU!

Married to DH for 18 years, 2 tween kids, one with SEN.

Haven't always seen eye to eye on a lot of things, but we usually have a big argument and clear the air and move on. Recently we have been bickering/arguing about almost everything. I'll admit it's probably usually me that "starts" it, but I feel I am justified in being annoyed at some of the issues.

An example - he wants to watch sport live every weekend. We told kids we would take them to cinema today and I suggested a time but he wants to watch the Grand Prix so he said can we go to later showing. Later showing would creep into kids dinner time and when I told him this the got really annoyed/angry.

We share a car and need to get a new one. He likes a particular car and I don't. But he says he knows more about cars (true) and therefore we should get the car he wants.

Can't get his head around being accommodating to child with SEN. Part of it is slow processing but he never gives child time, talks over him, interrupts. Child also very forgetful, starts something and doesn't finish, struggles to get started. DH goes mad at him even though I've reminded DH multiple times that child can't help it.

There are many more examples of things but I can't think clearly at the moment. I don't intend to drip feed but more clear examples may come to me.

A few years ago things were really bad and he was angry about everything. I thought he might be depressed so I encouraged him to go to the doctors and he was put on anti depressants. They did help quite a bit, but I honestly don't think he's actually depressed. He's been on them a few years and now trying to wean himself off which may explain things, BUT even when on them he is still such a highly strung person. He however blames everything on me and our kids as he says he can't cope with kids behaviour etc.

I just don't know what to do any more. I don't want to split up with him, I love him and when things are good they are great.

As I was reading this I was wondering if he had SEN himself - and I see you’re wondering about it too. This might be something worth exploring. He seems to have poor emotional regulation overall, and that’s hard to live with in a parent.

I’m also wondering if dh has sen. Hence needing the meds to cope?
Have you considered counselling together.
Parenting an sen child isn’t easy, I know.
You sound frustrated and he sounds selfish.
Maybe leave him to the sport and go out with the kids then the next day he does the same for you?
It sounds like you both need to communicate better and listen to each other. I have paid for my dh to watch online classes with sunshine support to understand our child better.
As for the car could you write out pros/cons and consider it logically that way? Maybe test drive both if you haven’t already. It sounds as if you are both unable to meet in the middle.

Yes I think he would go to one but never heard of these ever happening where we live. Support is virtually non existent.

I think he would want to have the kids as much as possible, yes.

He has almost every trait of ADHD.
He has said he will go back to the doctors and mention it but he never gets round to it 🤷🏼‍♀️

"Can't get his head around being accommodating to child with SEN. Part of it is slow processing but he never gives child time, talks over him, interrupts. Child also very forgetful, starts something and doesn't finish, struggles to get started. DH goes mad at him even though I've reminded DH multiple times that child can't help it."

When are you going to allow your son to live in a household where one of his parents continually bullies him over his disability?!

Wake up OP, how you can watch that is beyond me.