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Original poster

Is this normal ?

12 replies

Mumtobe41 · 12/06/2022 10:34

Morning lovely ladies .

A little different post today but looking for marriage / relationship advice .

So I’m currently 41 and 7 months pregnant, very much planned and wanted pregnancy .

So we have been together almost 2 years , and due to our opposite shifts we don’t get much time together (he’s night shifts and I’m days )

I go to bed alone every night , we have always made this work since we met . He’s incredibly loving and cute .

Anyway , our weekends have always been made special probably to over compensate for our lack of time together during week .

We recently got married in Feb , and suddenly our intimacy has ground to a halt...::

We have not had sex in 2 months , kisses are more pecks on head or cheek .

He’s still very lovey dovey but just distant .

I tried to talk to him about it , asked if he’s afraid of hurting the baby , and obviously said no pressure etc but is there and issue .

He said he’s just been stressed in work , we are renovating house so our limited time together is now DIY and such ..,

Any advice ? I’m really worried that he’s gone off me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have been in a lot of pain with my back so sleep with a pregnancy pillow which has obviously put more distance between us when we do sleep on weekend. But I find he stays up having a drink when I go to bed on a Saturday now instead of coming to bed with me ...

What can I do ? Or is this “normal “ at this
Stage of pregnancy and will get back to the way we were once little one is born ? Xx

Thanks if you got this far ☺️

OP posts:
WetWilly · 12/06/2022 10:38

He might be trying to be nice to you as you have pain - if you’re happy too perhaps suggest foreplay and not penetration and see what he says. If not then don’t worry

Haffiana · 12/06/2022 10:40

How long have you been together?

Original poster
Mumtobe41 · 12/06/2022 10:42

Haffiana · 12/06/2022 10:40

How long have you been together?

2 years next month . We got engaged last august and talked about the future , decided to get married and try for a baby . Luckily we got pregnant by the December and now due in august . We are so excited , this is the only issue we have ever had . Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobe41 · 12/06/2022 10:43

WetWilly · 12/06/2022 10:38

He might be trying to be nice to you as you have pain - if you’re happy too perhaps suggest foreplay and not penetration and see what he says. If not then don’t worry

I think he's terrified to touch me , but I'm probably being hormonal lol

OP posts:
Dontknowwhyidoit · 12/06/2022 10:52

Tell him how you feel as communication is Key, everyone is different so people's answers on here won't solve your issue. Some men may go off sex when their partners pregnant but some men don't. Asking him how he is feeling and letting him know how you are is what I would do.

Original poster
Mumtobe41 · 12/06/2022 10:57

Dontknowwhyidoit · 12/06/2022 10:52

Tell him how you feel as communication is Key, everyone is different so people's answers on here won't solve your issue. Some men may go off sex when their partners pregnant but some men don't. Asking him how he is feeling and letting him know how you are is what I would do.

I brought it up last night , he just kept apologising saying he's been stressed with work but nothings wrong etc .

I told him I obviously don't need an apology but we are a team so to talk to me , and sex isn't the be all and end all , but if there is an issue talk to me about it .

I do think he's scared he'll hurt the baby , but he hasn't admitted to that just keeps saying he's knackered and stressed but he adores me and nothing is wrong with us .

I'm probably being hormonal to be honest .

Just want our bubble back lol

OP posts:
Haffiana · 12/06/2022 11:33

It is OK if he doesn't want to have sex with you when you are pregnant. It can be that he finds the idea of sex with a pregnant woman off-putting rather than he worries about hurting you (which obviously you can explain that it won't.). But he really is allowed to feel this, if it is what he feels... He may be ashamed that he feels like this, and doesn't want to tell you, no matter how understanding you are.

He is reassuring you that he still adores you, but the part that I am finding worrying is that you say he is 'distant' and that he is avoiding going to bed with you at the same time. Do you think this is purely because he feels under pressure to have sex with you, and he doesn't want to? Or is it because he is avoiding being close to you in general?

Billylilly · 12/06/2022 11:53

Perhaps stop focusing/worrying about the sex part and do other forms of intimacy - cuddles, shoulder/feet rubs etc.

Original poster
Mumtobe41 · 12/06/2022 11:54

Haffiana · 12/06/2022 11:33

It is OK if he doesn't want to have sex with you when you are pregnant. It can be that he finds the idea of sex with a pregnant woman off-putting rather than he worries about hurting you (which obviously you can explain that it won't.). But he really is allowed to feel this, if it is what he feels... He may be ashamed that he feels like this, and doesn't want to tell you, no matter how understanding you are.

He is reassuring you that he still adores you, but the part that I am finding worrying is that you say he is 'distant' and that he is avoiding going to bed with you at the same time. Do you think this is purely because he feels under pressure to have sex with you, and he doesn't want to? Or is it because he is avoiding being close to you in general?

You might be right , just wish he felt he could tell me .

I don't know to be honest .
We only get to go to bed together Saturday and Sunday as he works night shifts .

So he usually is awake til 5/6am. Since getting pregnant I am shattered and fall asleep about 10.30/11 most nights , so he just watches tv when I'm asleep.

Lately , and I might be over thinking it , but he stays up watching tv on weekend instead of coming to bed with me .

It's mad as we are on complete opposite shifts , I wake at 6.30 as early shift . He comes in from work at 6 so usually just a kiss good morning then I get up he goes to bed but it's always worked.

I'm probably hormonal .

Sex to me isn't most important .

It's the "distance"

I just feel like somethings changed .

He said he's just stressed in work (promotion in jan ) and busy with getting house ready for baby ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobe41 · 12/06/2022 11:55

Billylilly · 12/06/2022 11:53

Perhaps stop focusing/worrying about the sex part and do other forms of intimacy - cuddles, shoulder/feet rubs etc.

Oh it is the intimacy I miss - I just used that we hadn't had sex in 2 months to make my point here .

Cuddles are very few and far between now and all we used to do was cuddle xx

OP posts:
Didimum · 12/06/2022 12:00

Haffiana · 12/06/2022 11:33

It is OK if he doesn't want to have sex with you when you are pregnant. It can be that he finds the idea of sex with a pregnant woman off-putting rather than he worries about hurting you (which obviously you can explain that it won't.). But he really is allowed to feel this, if it is what he feels... He may be ashamed that he feels like this, and doesn't want to tell you, no matter how understanding you are.

He is reassuring you that he still adores you, but the part that I am finding worrying is that you say he is 'distant' and that he is avoiding going to bed with you at the same time. Do you think this is purely because he feels under pressure to have sex with you, and he doesn't want to? Or is it because he is avoiding being close to you in general?

I agree that this may be the case. With a newborn/young child your sex life is also likely to take a big hit, but I’d just keep trying to communicate together as much you can.

Original poster
Mumtobe41 · 12/06/2022 12:35

Suppose it's just making me feel rather insecure and isolated . Like he's closing off to me - but I could be over thinking it.
Last time I had a baby was 22 years ago , so the hormonal hit hadn't really crossed my mind xx

OP posts:
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