My husband I are separating.
I opened the conversation by saying I was unhappy and I wanted to go for relationship counselling. He said no, then said yes, then no, then etc. I said it was not negotiable. We then talked of a trial separation - he admitted we had grown apart and wanted such different lives.
Now we are talking of separation, and though he hasn’t actually said divorce, it’s definitely been in my head from the beginning.
My husband is also controlling but he just doesn’t see it. I feel if I’d opened the conversation with divorce, his ego wouldn’t have handled it, so this way, I get what I want (to live by myself) without too much agro.
He is completely floored, for the first time in our marriage I am in control. He hates it, I am being very neutral, and faux sympathetic. It’s very easy for me to do this as I’ve had years of pretending everything is fine and not showing any anger or frustration.
I offered to moved into our extension (3 rooms and a bathroom). I could put a kettle etc and just use our kitchen occasionally. He said that was very nice of me, but I didn’t need to do that. I said I wanted to.( I really do). He then told me that I didn’t want to and he wouldn’t let me. Such is the state of my marriage.
So my advice is to do it in stages. I didn’t plan it per se, but it it just happened that way as I wanted to avoid too many angry rows. We had a few. The other thing is, I’ve ended up avoiding telling him the reasons I was unhappy. He will not accept he has done anything wrong. It’s easier for him (and me) if he believes it is about me “finding myself”. We have been married a very long time.
I wish I had done this 5 years ago.