Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this a friendship betrayal?

7 replies

mum61 · 11/06/2022 18:22

Forgive the rambling .
My Male friend Bob ( a friend since childhood) has a male friend Bill who he has been very close with for a couple of years. Bill lived in Bobs family home for 2 years as he had nowhere to live.
The friendship between Bob and Bill is platonic but toxic eg:controlling behaviour akin to an abusive romantic relationship with evidence of jealousy.
A few weeks ago Bill told me he was in romantic relationship with a woman that he was hiding from Bob,i advised Bill to be honest with Bob as there is nothing wrong with that.
Bill was fearful that Bob would chuck him out if he knew about the relationship.
He said he would tell Bob in his own time and asked me to keep his confidence.
I have been close finds with Bob since childhood so this put me in a difficult position but I agreed.Other people in our friendship group also knew about Bills relationship and were sworn to secrecy too .
3 weeks later Bill left Bobs home, he stole away in the night with no explaination, later saying he was staying with a relative as he needed space.
Bob was distraught not eating, sleeping and worrying about Bill, it appeared like a breakup.Seeing Bob confused and distraught as to why Bill had just left and wouldn't return. I felt I had to tell Bob that Bill was fine and living with his new GF.
Bob went ballistic at me and is furious for not telling him the minute I found out.
I explained my reasoning but to no avail.
Bob says my disloyalty means he's done with me and our friendship is over.
Did I betray Bob ,was I disloyal, was I in the wrong ?

OP posts:
something2say · 11/06/2022 18:33

Wow!!! You were caught in a very odd dynamic there. Why are they so intense with each other?

HollowTalk · 11/06/2022 18:42

That sounds like a really crazy situation. I don't know what I would've done in your place but I think I would back off slowly now!

Mamette · 11/06/2022 19:00

I don’t understand which one was controlling to the other?

Seems like Bob is the controlling one, so yeah it stands to reason he would react badly to being left in the dark about something.

The whole thing sounds like way too much drama, I would tell Bob sorry you’re upset but it wasn’t my news to tell so get over it.

PleaseGoDontGoAgain · 11/06/2022 19:06

Bob sounds like a pain in the arse and I don't see that as a loss. Bill is likely to suffer Bobs wrath as a result of you grassing him up though and he asked you not to because he knew Bobs a bit of a psycho.
So Yes you were disloyal and betrayed Bills trust and now he's gonna suffer for it.

Oh sorry you didn't give a shit about Bill did you. My bad.🙄

mum61 · 11/06/2022 19:07

@something2say Bob can be emotionally needy as a friend.
Bob seems to have abandonment issues.
I am not sure if there is more to their relationship ie: a sexual element.

OP posts:
mum61 · 11/06/2022 19:09

@Mamette Bob is controlling but Bill can be abusive too. Its a toxic friendship and in mot certain if their relationship is more than platonic.

OP posts:
mum61 · 11/06/2022 19:11

@PleaseGoDontGoAgain I did give a shit about Bill, thats why I didnt say anything foe 3 weeks .
I think there could be more to Bob and Bills relationship than friendship and Bill has been physically abusive to Bob.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread