Going to snap

[Sheesh89]

Feel pathetic writing here again. But I don't know what else to do.

I'm definitely the one who holds everything together....but I can't keep going.

My oldest DS (3 yrs old) is very difficult. We were meant to be going to a pool party this afternoon and I've just given up. Won't put his nappy on refuses potty training, won't get dressed, hitting, kicking, throwing everything.

DH is off to see his mates. Lots of huffing and puffing about "giving up" "this isn't sustainable" "we have to get tougher" (all about DS). I agree. We are in process of getting DS assessed but everything taking a lot of time. DS1 pushed DS2 (18 months) over this morning.

I work full time, manage everything it feels like and feels like DH is looking to me to fix things. But I don't know what the answer is. I know its a crazy way to live to literally not being able to attend stuff because it's so traumatic and difficult to get DS out the door.

Anyway. I feel at breaking point. Yesterday I nearly drank some wine from the fridge at 11am after being walloped by DS while feeding the baby who then also started crying. I try to talk to DH but it's like he punishes me/feels let down by me that I don't know how to improve things. He always jokes I'm the matriarch and that I've got all the answers and I guess I liked that role maybe before. But I can't cope now. Not with full time job, a house and two children - one who hits me

I keep looking to call people but nobody can help. So I'm posting here

Your husband needs to work with you and the children not piss off with his mates cause life is hard

I’m really sorry. That sounds very tough indeed.

Can your DH take DC2 with him to the party?

I remember your posts before, OP. Sorry things are still so tough. Can’t help but think your DH needs to be doing much, much more. It is not fair that it’s all on you and calling you the “matriarch” just sounds like he’s telling you to fix it while he goes out with his mates. Has he always been like this?

Any chance you could afford assessment for DS privately? (Not sure how that works- SEN board on here would know.)

Also consider would it help to be signed off from work for a bit with stress? Sounds like you need it!

I ended up taking them both to the party and I turned up and it was already over. Both DC had fallen asleep in the car anyway. Its one of those days where absolutely nothing goes your way.

DH does try to help a bit. He always cooks dinner. He often is the one who gets up first (though I do all night wakes). It's just when things become stressful he becomes v despondent. He's sensitive. So for example when I hand him DS2 and DS2 starts to cry he takes it personally "the baby hates me" blah blah

Its like having an emotionally immature teenage boy round the house who tries to help but ultimately looks to mum to manage it all.

But I guess still harder to be single mum. Particularly because he would make an awful exH

Is your DH your DCs dad? If so, it’s not really “helping” for him to do stuff for them, any more than it is for you to do it. Too sensative to hold the baby but not too sensative to go out with his mates, lucky him.

Hope you find a way through op.