I really want to leave my partner but I’m so worried about how I will survive financially. I have a six year old dd and we moved into my partner’s house when she was 4 (had dated for two years before that) I own my (mortgaged) flat and that is currently let but the tenancy is ending soon. It’s 70 miles away so dd would have to leave her school, but I kept my job (this was possible as it’s only two consecutive days a week and I stayed the night in between with family who also live down there). I also run my own little business from home on the days I’m not at my job but I would have to leave my clients and I’m not sure I could run it from my flat as not enough room for equipment.
So in theory apart from the school move and my business it’s not the worst set of circumstances as I would be living back in my property with the same job. And dd knows children at the school she would go to as she went to the same childminder as some of them.
Unfortunately I think it would be hard for her emotionally to leave my partner as he has been her father figure since she was two and they have a great relationship, I would hope that he would still want to see her (he has no kids of his own) but you never know how men are going to be after a split so I have to be realistic and accept that their relationship might fade, which I feel awful about.
I am so unhappy though, he and I are just on different pages about everything and there is no intimacy and little respect anymore. I believe he has depression but he won’t seek help which makes him snappy and grumpy and I just feel unhappy being around him. we don’t have sex and it’s like living with a flatmate that I don’t really get on with. I would rather be single.
My main worry is that I will only have £300 a month to live on (food, petrol, clothes etc) after mortgage and bills. I have calculated this by adding my salary and what I would get from universal credit according to the calculator. I am worried about what I will do in the school holidays while I’m at work. I would work more hours but this then means even more time left where I would need childcare during holidays. My family do help but they go away a lot so I can’t completely rely on them during holidays. DD’s biological dad has no contact with her and I occasionally get tiny amounts of maintenance when the CMS manage to deduct it from his earnings but we are taking about £20 every few months.
I just feel so daunted and afraid, even though I am going back to the same circumstances that I was in before! The only real difference is that when dd was little she went to her childminder in the holidays who doesn’t do it anymore, and I was on working tax credits then rather that UC which I think was a bit more. can anyone reassure me that it could be ok or should I just stick it out somehow?