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Original poster

Marriage and postnups

12 replies

October03 · 11/06/2022 11:12

After a difficult year me and my husband separated, I moved out of our home and took our 3 children for 4nights a week with me and 3 with him. We separated with the intent of seeing if space and marriage counselling could help us and it has … or at least so far. After 2months I have come back to our home whilst we continue the counselling. Now my husband wants me to sign a postnup because he says he feels he has no security if I decide we can't fix our marriage. We have been together for 19 years, our whole adult lives, have 3 children together but he was able to save for the deposit on our house as he earn more and worked more (I have always worked but also the primary carer for our children so limited on what I could do). He wants to be able to buy me out of our home for about 20% of it's equity, wants his savings to be untouchable by me so that he can buy me out and keep the house. I will not sign anything without advice from a lawyer and feel that even though I couldn't save for the deposit or save at all I still have a right to something fairer than that? As I say I have always worked, always paid 50% of the bills, rent/mortgage and general cost of living but couldn't earn more to save for anything else. What are anyone's thoughts about this?

OP posts:
SpindleSheWrote · 11/06/2022 11:19

My thoughts are unprintable.

Under no circumstances agree to this. No solicitor should draw this up.

My main thought is that this is incredibly coercive and you should leave again.

SpindleSheWrote · 11/06/2022 11:21

Oh and while you're at it, divorce him, take your fair settlement using a decent divorce solicitor, and claim child support.

This man and father wants to leave you in relative poverty, basically.

Loulou377 · 11/06/2022 11:30

dont Sign anything. It sounds like he could be playing happy families again just because he’s done his maths. You deserve much better. Get out of there…!

LC84 · 11/06/2022 11:34

Agree with other posters- dont sign anything and get your own solicitor. If you paid 50% of everything and all he contributed extra was rhe deposit then the most he can hope for is the deposit amount back then rest of equity split 50/50 BUT thats unlikely if you have solicitor as they will argue for you that ALL financial assets are split 50/50. Where the hell has he got the 20% idea from?!

Basically your husband is trying to plan a lucrative exit for himself and you need to protect yourself

BorsetshireBanality · 11/06/2022 11:37

What a bastard, please don't agree to this!

Where would you be supposed to live with your 20 percent of the equity? In a tent?

KangarooKenny · 11/06/2022 11:38

Yes, he’s planning his exit with a fist full of cash.
Do not agree to anything, speak to a family solicitor.
I hope you have your own bank account with your wages paid into it.

PuggyMum · 11/06/2022 11:41

My thoughts are also unprintable.

You're literally in a trial period to save your marriage. Not a trail period with a new guy who has a few quid behind him.

What on Earth possessed him to even suggest this. Can't wait to hear what the counsellor has to say.

Ultimatebetrayal · 11/06/2022 11:43

GrinGrin
So he's been to see a solicitor and realises it's a least 50/50 split and he's desperately trying to change that.

Tell him where to go.

No court would uphold this anyway

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 11/06/2022 11:47

In no way agree to this OP. This is so unfair I really can't fathom why he would even suggest this.

The only reason he has been able to save is because of you, you are morally and legally entitled to a lot more. It sounds like he is getting ready for divorce if I'm honest.

Also, don't leave the house unless you both decide to sell. You have 3 children who need stability and are with you a majority of the time. Please get legal advice ASAP.

PonyPatter44 · 11/06/2022 11:49

He is disgusting, and he thinks you're a gullible fool. How does he think your children will have a suitable roof over their heads?

I'm sorry, I don't think you have a marriage worth saving.

altmember · 11/06/2022 11:50

How much equity in the house do you both currently own? Although from what you've described it would have to be in negative equity for a 20% buyout to be anywhere near fair.

I don't think a postnup is appropriate in your circumstances at all. Even if the lawyers could agree on it, the court probably wouldn't enforce it anyway.

motogirl · 11/06/2022 11:55

No and gather as much financial info immediately, he's trying to figure out how to keep the family money. If you haven't got your own bank account (only joint) open one urgently and if you have joint savings I'd seriously consider putting half into your bank account

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