I’m currently looking at leaving DP. We have a 10 month old daughter which complicates it all, and she is the only reason I am still here.
I’ve been falling out of love with DP since she was born. He “tries” with her, takes her when I ask etc but so much he just doesn’t have a clue about.
My sex drive is non existent, so I don’t begrudge him seeing to himself, i except it and thankfully he doesn’t pressure me into sex. Our sex life is boring when we do have sex so I don’t really
bother anymore. We use his laptop in the living room hooked up to the tv for Netflix etc. I needed to find a link I had open the previous day and scrolled through his web history. I didn’t realise his phone and laptop web history were synced so noticed porn links in this history obviously watched from his phone. Made me giggle a bit at first as I don’t generally have too much of a problem with porn, however the sheer frequency and timing of when he is watching is really what’s getting to me. It would be at times when I would be busy with DD (he was in the bathroom, I was feeding her to sleep about 8 feet away in the next room) or even in the bathroom when he had friends staying with us. The more I realised the times the more I felt a bit disgusted by it all.
Then, last night I had a “night off” meaning I slept in the spare room with earplugs and he dealt with all the wakes up. Said she woke for a bit at 1am and he took her downstairs when she woke at 630. He went in the shower at 9 after I’d been downstairs for a bit. He’s just gone to get the food shop and I’ve saw porn usage at 1am when he was in the shower at 9am and then als again at 730. So he was either watching porn with DD in the room or had left her alone and awake for 20 mins while he popped off and sorted himself out.
Im furious. I know there’s no trust since I’m snooping and I’m already trying to put plans in place to leave, however my entire support network is 3 hours away so uprooting DD away from him seems heartbreaking (although Hamid he’s watching porn in front of her then I don’t want him anywhere near her tbh).
I don’t know what time after really I’m just laying here napped trapped trying not freak out.
This isn’t the only boundary he has crossed with regards to porn / sex (previously when we got together he was messaging chat lines and “real” women to meet up, but never did, then over Xmas I realised he was messaging swingers sites and had paid for something like onlyfans (we’re skint too so this was more than just sex boundaries here).
I need to leave don’t I?