Different beliefs.. can it work?

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I've been dating a lovely guy for around 4 months.
He is Christian, believes in a God, Heaven etc. His Father is a vicar.
I'm agonist/atheist and to some extent spiritualist. I don't believe in God at all.
It's never really been an issue. But can it really work if we have such different beliefs?

It will depend entirely on of one or the other begins trying to convert the other.

It's like any other opinions. You can believe and think what you like, but when you try to convince someone else, it'll cause friction.

I assume you both know each others stances so talk it out together.

I think it depends on both your levels of tolerance and respect around the subject. I have a very good friend, who is a vicar, I am atheist. But as I can respect her right to her beliefs and she mine, it's never been a problem for us. I don't bash her religion and she doesn't preach to me about it. Many many couple do make a difference in religion work for them, but for many it's too great of a issue.

I'm a Catholic and dp is atheist . It's never been an issue really , we've baptised our ds and get married in a church this year. Dp isn't fussed though and agreed to the church because its local and less hassle to get to than the registry office. The local priest won't be doing any sacraments during the wedding ceremony though. So no communion , he says he never does it for a mixed faith wedding. So if it will work all depends on what you each want. If he wanted a church wedding would that be OK with you? Would Baptising future children and supporting them through the sacraments be OK? You just have to see if you expectations align.

I think that mix is fine as long as you both respect each other's beliefs.

The religions that don't work well mixed are ones where the belief system is quite prescriptive. Where observances are non negotiable.

If you are both non-ideological about it, it’s fine. I don’t completely align with my partner but neither of us are dyed in the wool about our beliefs so it’s fine.

The problem starts when you bring kids into the mix.

I agree it depends on the level of respect you have for each other's beliefs and how you choose to negotiate it.

DH is Christian. I am Jewish. But neither of us are particularly religious. We enjoy and embrace the various celebrations and attend church and the synagogue for these things and revel in the feasting (or not in the case of lent and Yom Kippur).

The DCs can make any decision they wish to about it when they want- or can enjoy the mix as we do.

Our situation was the reverse.

He is a lapsed Catholic and I am an atheist.

No church wedding, and neither kid is baptised.

I would have compromised on the baptisms (since I'm not the one being baptised), but no way would I get married in a church.

It really depends on how staunch the beliefs and willingness to compromise on both sides.

Really depends on how strong the other persons faith & commitment is. I'm Jewish but over my lifetime I've outwardly seen and experienced how divisive religions can be. It's never been an issue for me, whilst I 'loosely' observe a few traditions of my culture I would never impose anything on anyone else within a partnership. I would say it definitely can work by simply respecting each others viewpoint at the outset.

It's about respecting each other's beliefs and being clear about things like amount of time/money spent on stuff relating to the belief. And what happens about any children?

I'm Christian and been married very happily to agnostic DH for more than 12 years. Neither of us has tried to convert the other, I give to church from my disposable income, not from his. I weigh up any church events/commitments in terms of time and whether it's something I or we want to do - this one can sometimes cause issues at some churches I've been to as other people can't understand why we don't attend events as a couple when it's something DH would hate! I've also been very upfront about volunteering my time - we both have similar amounts of 'free' time, and it's up to me if I spend some of that volunteering for stuff. I have had to be very firm with one church in the past (which I left) who seemed to think DH existed to do childcare and enable me to participate in church stuff!

Oh and we got married in church - there's nowhere in the marriage service where you have to say 'I believe in God'. DH liked the 'choreography' of the service, the marriage prep and the emphasis on it being about our lives together rather than just one day and the sense of occasion which was so much better than we'd found at a registry office wedding. We didn't have communion as part of the service.

When DD was born I'd made clear to DH that I wanted to do something to mark her arrival/what I'd been through. The CofE offers baptism or a service of thanksgiving for the birth of a child. DH looked at both of those and wanted her to be baptised(!). We chose Godparents (all committed Christians) together. The baptism service does ask you to express belief in God, so DH didn't say those bits but stood with me to support me saying them.

My husband is a total atheist, I'm quite religious (church involvement from a young age etc). We've never had issues! We did get married in a church, as he knew it was really important to me and he wasn't too fussed. I've never tried to convert him, he's never tried to convert me and it all just gets along really well.

It's different for everybody I think. I married a person of different religion (not one mentioned here) who claimed he was not overly religious. I'm not religious at all but am fascinated by religion and he knew that.
As soon as we were married he changed and started to try and dictate what he wanted and when we had DD he got much worse.
I think I'm an intelligent person and asked loads of questions before we got married but I should have dug deeper and not just accepted what he told me.

Not necessarily, I'm a Christian, he's an atheist, we have a kid, it works fine for us

100% depends on what is fundemental belief system for both of you.

Sex before marraige 🤷🏼‍♀️
Sex after marraige
Abortion
Divorce
Bringing children (faith pratice, school selection, sex education etc)
End of life choices

Children can be the pinch point as its joint choices which you both need to jointly agree on or compromise.

It wouldn't work for me, as it would indicate that at quite a fundamental level that we were not compatible. The same would go for having very differing politics. But the question is, how much would it bother you and how much would it bother him? No one else can tell you that.

It would depend on how much religion is a part of their lives. If it involves church and praying etc it wouldn’t work for me. If they were simply religious but not practicing then I might be able to deal with it.

It could work but if kids are ever on the table I'd recommend you discuss this before having them. Don't assume your on the same page about things like whether to raise them in a religion, church, Baptism, schools etc.

How big of a deal is it for him? Would he secretly judge you? Try to convert you?
would you be ok to loosely follow it too? Or do you deep down not like the idea of it?

It depends how religious he is. If he believes that there's a possibility that non-believers will go to place of never ending torture when they die, if he believes people are sinnners for doing xyz.....not sure how that's going to be compatible with your beliefs.

Yes, it can definitely work, but only if both of you are the sort of people who can respect the other person’s POV without trying to change their view, and agree to differ on some things. For example, would he really be happy going to church on his own? Even at Christmas & Easter?

Obviously, if you want to have children together then proper ground rules have to be agreed on before you start. Would you really be happy with your children being baptised?

Not necessarily, I'm a Christian, he's an atheist, we have a kid, it works fine for us

Wouldn't work for me. I don't want to bring DD up with a faith, so I don't.

He's devoutly Catholic, I'm atheist. We both respect each other's views and I accepted having the kids baptized and confirmed, because it was very important to him, but at the same time he recognized their right to choose once they were of an age to.

What helps me be accommodating is that he has a critical mind and freely criticizes many of the Catholic Church's more batshit aspects (role of women, celibacy of priests, birth control, abortion etc etc), recognizing that none of them are founded in scripture. He believes, above all, in doing good and in treating others well, and finds a framework for that in Christian scripture. I think you can do it without scripture. But we both agree on the fundamental principle of the need to do good.

Is it possible that I read somewhere that there is a gene for religious/spiritual belief? That there are some of us who need the certainty of some kind of codified spiritual framework and the rest of us who just...don't.

I'm a Christian, and I knew I wanted to marry another Christian - for me it us a core part of who I am and I couldn't imagine being able to have a strong and deep relationship without my husband sharing that.

I also agree with @MrsTerryPratchett although I'm coming from the opposite viewpoint - I wouldn't want to bring DD up without a faith!

We should bring our children up to have open, enquiring minds, to educate themselves on different views, to not be pressured in to having a faith or not having a faith. You can do that if one of you has a faith and one doesn't (in fact you can model to children that both can live together peacefully and happily).

I've been in a mixed relationship and DC were no problem. So long as you respect each others' views.