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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you have already given up or am I being hasty?

16 replies

Trehah · 10/06/2022 16:17

Relations with my DP are very fractured. We are expecting in three months and I recently moved back to my own place, 45 mins away, as I couldn’t take his behaviour much more. I’ve still tried to be kind and encouraging about the relationship and said I am fully ready to move back in properly if we can get back on track.

instead, he’s turned into more of a brat it seems. I have messaged most evenings to ask if he wants to have dinner, watch a film, stay over, go to the cinema, etc etc. He doesn’t respond until the last minute and then has a lame excuse. I have been to his and found him drinking/drunk which hasn’t happened before. I mean obviously I’ve seen him drinking but never drunk like that.

He’s been arrested for driving without due care and attention and has a short driving ban coming up for a few weeks and a fine. I’ve tried to get him to participate in things with friends like my best friends bbq at the weekend…no engagement at all, just moodiness and explaining he’s busy or tired etc etc. Or he’s just plain horrible to be around.

I’ve wanted to try and make it work but I am getting so sick of it all. I’ve asked outright if he is wants to just be single and he says no. He has cancelled annual leave when we were supposed to be on holiday. The list is endless. I don’t know what to do anymore. Prior to a few weeks back he was moody but still respectful- supporting me etc. I’ve just had enough but is it too soon to give up?

OP posts:
PleaseGoDontGoAgain · 10/06/2022 16:43

I dunno, at no point did you say how long it's been, if it's long term it could be a low point but if it isn't then leave.
But he sounds like no fun and a bit of a liability.

carefullycourageous · 10/06/2022 16:45

It is absolutely NOT too soon to move on. He sounds horrendously hard work.

I would have bailed by now.

thenewduchessoflapland · 10/06/2022 16:47

It sounds as though he's changed his mind about making a commitment to you doesn't it?;Only it's an unfair crappy thing to do as you're six months pregnant and you can't walk away from the responsibility of having your baby but he can.

Watchkeys · 10/06/2022 16:48

You've detailed a lot of ways there in which you've tried. How many different ways has he tried?

Trehah · 10/06/2022 16:53

@Watchkeys i can’t remember the last time he did anything remotely nice for us. Genuinely have no recollection of it.

I want to give up but I feel sad for the baby. I just don’t know how much more I can take. I am constantly suggesting nice things, constantly being loving to him, constantly having it thrown back in my face.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 10/06/2022 16:54

So, you think it will be better for the baby to have someone like this demonstrating adulthood to them?

12Thorns · 10/06/2022 16:54

Doesn’t sound like he wants to be in a relationship

GordonBennetttt · 10/06/2022 16:59

It's definitely not too soon to end it. Do you think your child will appreciate being around a lazy miserable twat growing up?
Your baby will be better off with a stable parent (you) who they can rely on.

LisaSimpson77 · 10/06/2022 17:00

Erm if you've moved out and he's making no effort to spend time with you it sounds like the relationship is already over in his mind.
The real question you need to be asking him is how he's going to step up as a parent when the baby's born.

Sunnytwobridges · 10/06/2022 17:09

12Thorns · 10/06/2022 16:54

Doesn’t sound like he wants to be in a relationship

This. ANd possibly is only staying because of the baby.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 17:12

I'm amazed you haven't blocked him yet. Why would you even want this loser around your baby? Ditch him and move on.

Vapeyvapevape · 10/06/2022 17:17

We only have so many breaths in our bodies- I wouldn't waste anymore of yours on him.

Amdone123 · 10/06/2022 17:19

What @Aquamarine1029 said.
Also, you're 6 months pregnant. Time to concentrate on you, your baby and your future.
I'd stop messaging him and stop being kind to him. See how long it is before he realises.

CuntyMcBollocks · 10/06/2022 17:24

I will never understand why someone would willingly stay in a toxic/abusive relationship 'for the child/children' if they don't have to. What exactly do you think your baby will benefit from growing up in an environment where Dad treats Mum like shit, OP? Your baby will be so much better off with a happy mum, and deep down you know this anyway 💐

Musttryharder2021 · 11/06/2022 07:06

Once the baby arrives, you will literally not have the emotional capacity not the headspace for anyone or anything that is draining you and not supporting you.

Dominuse · 11/06/2022 07:09

Stop contacting him just stop - he’s an adult - you are pregnant not him. If he wants to come to your for a date he needs to sort himself out.

m he needs to do this not you

ffs enjoy your evenings in peace

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