What does a healthy, happy relationship look like?

[Angustiada]

Bit of background... Was with my exH from age of 19-36, have 2 kids. I realise now that he love bombed me from the start and it was never a balanced relationship and he was overpowering and controlling. He made me feel like I was lucky to have him and I felt I had to do everything do make sure I kept him happy or he'd leave. Anyway, after 3 physical affairs and countless times of massively overstepping boundaries with women, I ended our marriage.
I've now been with someone for about 18 months. He's lovely in many many ways but I don't know what's normal and what's healthy... My parents split when I was young so I've never had an example of what an adult relationship should be like.
For example, is it normal that sometimes he really pisses me off 🤣?! Sometimes he says things and I think what?! I know I love him, but it feels very different to the mad passionate (love bombing, unbalanced) love I had with my ex. So please share... What's normal, what's not.
Thank you x

I think getting pissed off is normal. Any relationship where there's never a cross word, a disagreement or a contradiction is a relationship with a controller and their submissive controlled slave.

Do you express your annoyance or gulp it down? Much healthier to have a discussion. Not a stand up ding dong fight, but a sit down and chat with tea and a biccie. Much nicer and everyone knows where they are, until the next time.

Thank you @FlipFlops4Me . It's good to hear that getting annoyed is normal. I think I let things really get to me and then blow it out of proportion maybe. I guess I feel I like shouldn't be getting annoyed with things that are just part of who he is if that makes sense... So I don't say anything

I'm in a very happy and healthy relationship after a really awful 10 year one. I was like you, and still am sometimes! I think it's highly unlikely that you'd be able to spend alot of time with one person and never feel annoyed by them! I love my boyfriend more than anything, but that doesn't mean we don't disagree and bicker occasionally x

Read 'the seven principles of a successful marriage' by gottman. It is all based on research and by reading it you get a pretty good idea of what a good relationship looks like.

I am in a lovely relationship after 20 years in a toxic marriage. It feels so nice to have a partner in life rather than a passenger, someone who makes me laugh, enjoys life and doesn't make me feel small or useless. Enjoy what you have found - and yes, it is normal to get pissed off now and again. We are all human 🤣

Thank you. Loving these anecdotes. One question... Do you love everything about them or are there things that you don't love too?
I think I have a big issue trusting my own judgment after my last relationship and I'm on high alert for things that I didn't pick up on when I met my exH. Obviously at nearly 40, I'm a lot wiser but I can't work out what things you can overlook because everything is pretty damn good!

It's impossible to say without knowing what kind of things are pissing you off about him tbh. Some things are trivial, some things very much aren't!

I guess the main things are that he can be forgetful, especially when tired. Not big, important stuff or things, but we can have a conversation one day and then he asks the same bloody question the next!
He's also very laid back and doesn't rush.... I'm a single mum and work FT, my life is a rush and I'm usually do 2/3 things at once. If I'm busy and rushing he does help me, so it's not that, it's just that he saunters around sometimes and I can get a little exasperated!

Writing them down here actually makes me laugh and smile about it but at the time, especially if I'm stressed it does wind me up

Totally normal to feel a bit pissed off in the moment. The issue comes with how you deal with it. If I was pissed off at my ex I would say “I’m feeling a bit annoyed because xyz” and it would then escalate, he’d get defensive, explain why I was wrong to feel xyz, I’d cry, he’d call me a drama queen, back and forth to the point where he’d decide he didn’t need this shit and was leaving. Every time. That’s unhealthy. Expressing your feelings should never lead to an argument.

if on the other hand, you feel a bit annoyed but just get on with what you’re doing without resentment building, or better still you can talk to him about it and he says “oh sorry I should have realised, let me do xyz for you” then it’s all good!