A few months ago I had engaged in foreplay with a married colleague. We hadn’t spoken about it since but would message a lot, flirt and always gravitate towards each other at work socials. Since I started the job there has always been chemistry there. We tease each other to the point other people joke there is sexual tension, however I also feel like he looks out for me a lot.
on a work trip this week I drank too much wine and felt sick - I have a bad phobia of being sick so he was messaging to check I was okay. I ended up going to his hotel room where he was being really caring, hugging me, stroking my hair and rubbing my back. We chatted for a bit and then he said he would rub my back so I could go to sleep. However, this then led to more foreplay.
we then ended up talking about the situation and what had happened previously. He said he had thought about it every day and was torn because there’s something there with me that’s more than physical, he sees a friendship too, feels very protective of me and cares about me so doesn’t want that to go away. But he said he just has too much to lose and can’t look his kids in the face knowing he would break their heart, he also does love his wife. I said I was upset he hadn’t communicated any of this to me until something happened again and was confused as to why he would always message me still and that I didn’t know how we could carry on as normal just without the physical because I felt a lot of our relationship was based on that. He denied it and said it’s more than that, he even enjoys just cuddling and chatting with me. He said he wants to be there for me and for nothing to change aside from the physical.
we then ended up having sex, spoke about everything again and just went round in circles. The next day I asked if we could talk about how we would engage with each other going forward. He said he wants things to be exactly the same and promised it wouldn’t be weird. He still wants to message etc and that he was glad I suggested the chat because he wouldn’t and he takes a long time to process.
I get the impression he is very confused and doesn’t know how to process his feelings very well. I haven’t heard from him since we left the trip and am just worried he didn’t mean he wanted to keep things as normal as possible. I’m confused as to if he does really care about me or if he will change his mind. I also don’t know if he has just gone home and is processing first. I know it sounds naive but I do feel like we have a genuine connection and there are feelings there so I don’t know if that’s worrying him because it would be a lot easier if it was just physical.
does anyone have any experience or advice?