Elderly mum being scammed...I'm lost?

[Ysccc]

During lockdown my mum began speaking to strange scammy ranve types and began hiding this behaviour from her emails from myself. More recently she has been speaking to crypto investment scammers signing up to multiple websites and forwarding on details to said scammers to "invest". I've just for about the 100th time found incriminating emails of further wiring of money to dodgy Nigerian ip addressed.

I worry she has taken out loans now and I see large transactions of -10k -6k -5k leaving her bank account.l as well as a loan deposit for 10k.

I've confronted her on multiple occasions over the past 2years having called the police 3-4x, reported to action fraud，solicited mum's friends for help and tried a family intervention. Police also have been next to useless and despite providing evidence, as mum has said no crime has been committed have closed the case.

She seems to be in a death spiral of speaking to scammers and sending large amounts of money to them as part of elaborate romance scams. She is a very proud lady and will not admit she might just be wrong and therefore refuses to seek help from charities or speak to police.

She is 76yrs old in July and supposed to be enjoying her golden years but being swindled blind whilst we are seeing the worst cost of living crisis in a generation.

Mum and I distant relationship at best with no siblings. We are due our first bouncing baby boy next money and I'm unsure about stating if she doesn't stop speaker to these scammers she can say goodbye to seeing her grandchild and cease all ties with our family. AIBU here?

Does anyone have any advice or support they could advise? Has anyone had anything similar?

Because she is unwilling to engage in all other option or even discuss the matter. I've engaged with friends , family police GP....

I also would say it's blackmail...it's a decision and a cross roads for her...these are very clearly scams where money is sent to multiple bank accounts via Western Union and Money gram....in the 10snof thousands.

Therefore my thought process was...here is a crossroads...pick what is more important to you....grand child or romance scammers and bitcoin.

I've spoken with them and they shut the case down. They sent the met police but my mum said to them no crime was committed but 10s of thousands still leaving her banks account.

Maybe I'll try action fraud again

Thanks...bank said there is little to nothing they can do they will out in a courtesy call to notify that large transactions have take place which is odd and warn her of crypto and investment scams but that's the extent they can step in

She owns her home but has put half in my name so any actions or loans against it need my consent. The concerning thing is on her most recent bank statement she sent to a scammer. There is a 10k deposit titled Loan Deposit is now she's taking loans out to send to bitcoin scammers.

Thanks let me look further into this one as it seems viable given POA is really not something she will willingly agree to. Appreciate the advice

Sadly no she does not volunteer...she does Zumba classes and baby sits these days but socially she has cut most people off including her own sister. She is socially isolsted, I've tried spending time but her house is a hoarders house so physically going there and sitting down for a chat is impossible and she refuses to visit us. Maybe that might change with the grandchild?

You need to speak to a solicitor asap because you cannot do anything about this until you have the legal rights to be able to. this has to be your first port of call. she isnt going to stop, her name will be being passed around the scamming community so they arent going to stop either and as her next of kin you are the only person now who can stop this. speak to social services, send a message to her GP (does she have cognitive issues??) Unless you kick up an almighty fuss about this widely and quickly she is going to give away everything she has and accrue massive debts which ultimately will mean she will depend on you financially so its really in your best interests to act quickly and decisively now.

You have a point on maybe putting the grandchild alinto the mix might push her further that directioN Sadly DM is very standoffish with family and quite happy to burn bridges including her sister up the road who she no longer talks to...she does the same with old friends.

Hoarding prevents me from visiting and frustrations boil over whe we do meet on this and hoarding as a topic. I've held my tongue as best I can to try and coax her into communicating but she will often leave months before even saying hi. And if I call too often I'm told that there is nothing to talk about.

I see the point in pushing her further so maybe I rethink the nuclear option of cutting her off from the grandchildren.

I found she appears to have taken a loan out on this which is even more concerning...and appears to be to send to scammers?!

Sigh...thanks for the input and thoughts

I wouldn't black mail her. As long as she has the capacity, I'd leave her to it. If her money disappears, then she'll have to sell the house and move into a home. It's her money to waste as she wants. Some people shop, bet, and some drink it away. She's chosen to "invest" it in scams. You've told her it's a scam, her friends/family and the bank have told her. Its up to her now. But don't cut her off from contact.

My dad got sucked in ( not romance scams, but a scam nonetheless). We insisted on power of attorney. But as you say, she needs to agree.

"She is socially isolsted, I've tried spending time but her house is a hoarders house so physically going there and sitting down for a chat is impossible and she refuses to visit us. Maybe that might change with the grandchild?"

Your mother has long standing problems with hoarding and that is recognised as a mental health disorder. Its absolutely NO POINT in talking to her about her hoarding or hoard.

You may find this website helpful for yourself: helpforhoarders.co.uk/contact/

I doubt also that even her grandchild will persuade her into doing anything other than what she is doing now. Do not further lose yourself in trying to help someone who ultimately does not want to be rescued and or saved. Save yourself from such misery and live your own life without her in it day to day.

Sad state of affairs but this is the avenue I'm currently on. She used to preach to me as a child and "no one will help you until you help yourself" and that really does ring true.

May it is early onset dementia....maybe the baby might help but I'm not banking on it as you changing the narrative. I just worry and as you say a hoarders house is exactly that. Sitting down is an issue and outside it's a restaurant or cafe as she doesn't want to come ours as she's "busy" ...now I know what with.

I'm speaking to AGEUK atm to ask for support avenues. They said it is in the remit of financial coercion

I second watching for love or money on iplayer. Lots of people in the same position…

@mummymeister we spent 7k on solicitors trying to safeguard my dad and that was with a poa and with him having a diagnosis of Alzheimers. If he'd had capacity there would be sweet fa that the solicitor could do. How many thousands do you think the OP should spend on this exactly? What do you think the solicitor could do?