Relationship ended

[emjay1996]

How do you get over someone your so in love with
Feel like my world has ended :'(

I can imagine how gutted you felt coming across his profile.

This is what I'm afraid of. Just coming across him in anyway, and seeing him move on.
I can't bear thinking about him being with anyone else and living the life we had planned

Like I said, I have no friends and family to vent or cry too so it's just me on my own with my thoughts 24/7.
I just feel so lonely.
I wish there was a way we could all meet up and support one another through it all.
Im glad these kind of website exists because there is just so much support and knowing that your not alone.
Although I do wish we didn't have to go through what we are.

Honestly I have never felt pain like it

I don't think you ever stop loving someone unless your perception of the relationships changes, but I do think the emotional intensity and longing starts dampening down. I don't remember where I read it, but apparently things start to imporve after 6-8 weeks. As in, that's the point you might realise you're crying less often or you're getting more distracter by other things in your life and it continues form there.

Also, I'm sorry you are experiencing so much pain. It's worse that you don't have any emotional support close to you. I know you're not even thinking about this right now, but before you even think of getting to another relationship, you should work on developing a bit of a social network around you. It's hard as an adult. It takes work to maintain long distance friendships especially, but I'm concerned that without some support network you will be particularly vulnerable the next time you have a relationship.

That's the thing, I wouldn't even know where to start with trying to make friends and having a support system.

Your right, I'm not even thinking about any future relationships.
I physically do not want another one.
No matter how much 'time' I have to heal and try and get over this break up, I just do not see myself ever being in another

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough breakup Op @emjay1996

You can't fathom another relationship right NOW. You will though in time feel differently and I'd imagine would like to share a life with someone else (maybe move in/get married/have children). It's hard to picture those things right now but once you are emotionally over this break up, and you will be, you'll be more open to meeting someone else. Very few people remain in an emotional turmoil for the rest of their lives, we emotionally move on and realise that there are other people out there with whom we could have possibly have a future with

It does feel as though you heart is breaking in two. Physical pain. It's utterly awful

It will take ages for you to start to feel better but it will be quicker if you can start to make new memories

You won't want to, but it will help. I promise.

I found helping other people helped stop me thinking about how I was feeling. I became a Samaritan which was hard in and of itself but meant I had to think about others

Don't contact him. Post here if you are tempted

Pack away all photos etc into a locked file. Only look at them once a month.

Change your home. Move stuff around so it looks different. Buy new bedding. Mix it up so it's new. Make new memories!

Can you go out with work colleagues every now and again?

One more thing. Start some talking therapy? That will be something for you and it will help.

Have a regular massage. Pamper yourself - face, nails, feet. Start new routines which make you feel good

Every little change is a new memory.

I don't currently work as my physical and mental health aren't great. So I don't have any work friends.
I don't have any friends in general either.
Im on no social media etc.

I have no idea how to make friends and would be so embarrassed because of all the shit I struggle with etc so just feel like a burden to them.

I am really tempted to message because I just can't accept the fact it's over
I don't know what to do :'(

Have you been through similar?
If so, how long did it take you to get over it?
Did you ever get over them?

I'm just struggling so much I really don't know what to do

I'm not sleeping or eating, my eyes are red and puffy from constantly crying
I just feel sick to my stomach im so heartbroken

Hi Op, just wanted to say I'm going through exactly the same at the moment and its awful. I'm between jobs at the moment (just waiting for police clearance to start my new one) so while the kids are in school I just find myself sitting at home brooding. I have bo appetite, I can't sleep, I don't want to see friends or family. I'm just heartbroken. She wants to stay friends and keeps texting which, as much as I miss her, is actually making it harder because I find myself clinging onto the fantasy that she wants to get back together. But she doesn't, she just wants me there in the background. She's quite manipulative so this is just a control thing. I know that but it doesnt stop me responding to it.
Really can't wait to start the new job. Its going to be full on busy so it'll give me something to focus on. I'm so sorry you're going through this too x

The problem with messaging him is that it won't change anything. And will just take you back to the beginning of healing, again

Call the Samaritans. Seriously. And if you can find free local counselling (contact your GP) that will help.

Keep posting on here. You are making new friends right now.

Messaging is methadone - it tricks you into thinking you’re still getting the good stuff but in reality it’s s poor substitution and it’s keeping you hooked.

This sounds awful but honestly a week ago I was literally begging my ex to take me back, that I would do anything, put up with any amount of shit, including letting him kick my furniture around when he’s angry and call me names (this is why we split up). I left all my dignity on the floor that day and literally threw myself at his mercy. I bet he fucking loved it and he got to say “I need time, I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. The next woman will be the one I spend forever with so I need to make this decision carefully. But whatever happens, things won’t be like before, I’ll have some stipulations and you’ll have to be more flexible, tolerant etc”

Essentially he offered me the 50/50 chance of a fraction of a watered down, lukewarm version of the love I’d been missing.

Mentally I decided that was it. I wasn’t going to beg for someone who didn’t want me. If he can live without me, let him.

I messaged a guy on Plenty of Fish, we had a phone chat and got on well, have said we’ll meet up next weekend for a coffee and a chat, and suddenly I feel 10 tons lighter. I can see that going backwards wasn’t going to help me. It would just mean all the old problems are still waiting for me, but with less love and tolerance from him.

Revisiting the past for a day was a nice reminder of both the good times and the bad. The sex was amazing as it always was, but I’m sure once I meet someone else I can have that again. And the connection that comes with it.

Keep strong, imagine the best - and worst - case scenario if you message. Could your heart take the worst case? And does the best case really take you forward in your life?