Unsure what to do.. Right person, wrong time.

[Icecreamqueen32]

Hi all. Just after some advice on a situation as I'm no clearer on what I should do.
Have been seeing the most wonderful man for a few months, we matched off tinder.
I genuinely believe that we are soul mates and he feels the same too..
We are yet to be fully intimate with each other yet as prior to him I left a relationship that had severe domestic abuse, I was single for 3 years after that.
He is so respectful and kind and decent, makes me laugh, cheers me up when I've had a bad day at work. He's just everything.
He's been separated from his child's mother for 3 years with divorce proceedings yet to be initiated..
After my last meeting with him he told me he was going to speak to her and make the seperation official.. I told him not to rock the boat yet as I was anxious about the repercussions.
He works in a v high pressured city job where his bosses are keen for him to progress. This involves two upcoming overseas work trips.
I told him that I would understand completely if he wanted to take a pause on things because I know how busy he'll be with work during the trip, there will also be a six hour time difference and I said I don't want for him to feel pressured to stay in touch with me.
I think I just feel sad, he is categorically 100 % the right person but it just feels like its the wrong time and I'm not sure what to do.
I don't know whether to just end it now to save myself heartache or just bear with and hope when he returns from the trip we'll be able to pick up.
I love him and he loves me (so he says) but I just have this sinking feeling.
He said he's not prepared to end it and would do his best to stay in touch with me but I know he's concerned at how busy the trip will be, I am also..
I just don't know what to do and just reaching out for some advice.

And I'll repeat it's literally only a month. No you don't have to give him the option to leave... it's a single month. You're either together and cope with things like work trips or you're not.

Stop worrying about what you think he should want. Think about what you want. If you aren't fussed about daily contact (and I wouldn't be) just enjoy it and roll with the time away. And don't tell him not to get divorced FGS. If he's separated and seeing another person, he should get divorced!

DH and I managed without seeing each other for weeks in the early days and no daily contact. It was fun. We wrote emails and got to know each other well.

I wonder if you have ever been in a relationship that isn't abusive, OP? I include your childhood...

The way you are behaving is inviting him to be a disappointment to you. You are setting yourself up to fail, and doing so even whilst you claim that this one could be The One.

In addition, you only seem to know how to relate to a partner by appeasing them, even before there is anything to appease them about. You are metaphorically bowing and scraping on the floor in front of him and being A Good and Thoughtful Girl Who Will Give Up Everything For The Greater Good Of Her Man.

Can you afford some counselling? I really genuinely don't mean that as a nasty comment, but it can be such a help to speak to someone who can help unpick these ingrained attitudes. We sometimes need help with dealing with the baggage of an unhappy childhood.

If he is the right person surely it doesn’t matter about the time. Do you want to push him away. I wonder what has happened in your past and if you have had counselling. If he is that lovely I would try and relax and enjoy it. Him being away isn’t a huge deal with video calls etc, you can keep in touch.

You could treat the work trip as a relationship ´test' in a way... if you still feel good about things when he comes back, or if he manages to maintain an acceptable level of communication despite the distance then things sound good. Sometimes distance is good at providing clarity. He sounds nice, maybe it's worth giving him a chance?

I'm not seeing what the problem is. He's going on a work trip for 4 weeks. Why would that mean you have to break up with him?

He said he won't be able to talk to you every day or did he say he won't be able to send a one lone message via text?