Should I ask?

[FragileLikeABomb]

Hey guys and gals.

so you may have seen my previous post about an older gentleman.

so, we met up this week (I initiated) and slept together. After sex he was a little distant, said he gets like that after sex. It did feel weird as it’s not something I’m used to.

we spent a little time together and we got onto talking about his previous fwb (I asked as I knew she was his most recent) he said that it was off and he was glad it was, he couldn’t offer her anymore and then proceeded to tell me that he’s had commitment issues in the past but he’s better at it now, blah blah blah.

it’s kind of knocked me a little bit, the first date was amazing, we got on so well but coupled with the fact he doesn’t really message and he’s also thrown in his commitment issues, I’m wondering whether I should just ask where his head is, or is it too soon and to just see what happens?

Another things that’s got me all anxious is the fact that he said he felt like he had to message her, and I don’t really want it to be like that with me. When I mentioned him not being a big texter, he did say he’s not that good at messaging people. So dunno..

Whilst I do like him, (he’s my type) his lack of texting and the throwing in commitment issues is making me think it’s not gunna be right for me.

I didn't see your previous post, so I may be missing some context. But it certainly doesn't sound like he's over his commitment issues, and he clearly only wants another FWB situation.

He's making it very clear he won't give you what you want, even using his ex-fwb to deter you from messaging too much, so you feel like you need to be a "cool girl" and accept never getting any messages, except for when he wants to hook up.

If you continue to pursue things, it's highly unlikely he'll ever give you anything more than he's giving you now.

@yellowsmileyface my previous post was just about him not being a big texter. But that’s what he’s always been like, I just thought it might change.

I did end up thinking “he’s saying this so if it ever came to it, he can say “I told you I couldn’t commit” so basically laying the foundations. /:

How much older we talking about? Most older people prefer calling don't know if you know that. If him not texting back quick enough is the only thing bothering you then maybe use other forms of communication?

@yellowsmileyface I don’t text him first, I never have. He’s always pursued me.

@Notmytiep he’s 47, I’m 32.

his lack of texting and the throwing in commitment issues is making me think it’s not gunna be right for me

Is there any particular reason why you wouldn't respect this thought?

@Watchkeys cos I’m a glutton for punishment. 🫠 it’s annoying as he’s my type.

He dosn’t sound like a keeper. If he has commitment issues he’ll never change.

Then enjoy the punishment.

Millions of men are your type. Don't fixate.

@Watchkeys plus the first date was so good, we really hit it off and I enjoy it when I can bounce off someone.

I did end up thinking “he’s saying this so if it ever came to it, he can say “I told you I couldn’t commit” so basically laying the foundations. /:

That's exactly what he's done.

@yellowsmileyface yup. 🙃🙃

Men (and women) in their late 40's don't change. This is who he is so you either like it or lump it or walk and save yourself a world of pain

@Justcallmebebes aye. 🫠🫠

He's being very, very clear about what you can expect from him, yet you don't seem to want to listen. You are wasting your time, especially if you want a future with someone. At 47, this man is already hard wired. What you see if what you get.

@Aquamarine1029 I said I’d like to see what happens with him. I’m just a year out of being with someone 5 years, so wasn’t looking to become someone’s partner, but neither did I want to just be someone’s piece.