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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What did I do wrong for him to treat me like this?

12 replies

MissPositivePenny · 09/06/2022 04:39

We have been friends since the age of 14. and for the last 15 years we have been in a relationship, with 4 kids (youngest 8 months) We live in his house. My partner is messaging prostitutes, hes on dating sites, he's chatting up other women and calls them at silly times in the morning. I know he doesnt value me or our relationship (I dont get even a card on xmas, my birthday, mothers day, anniversary, etc - nothing) he kicked me and the kids out of the house (I'm staying with his sister) I'm financially independent and support him (when he asks) after the put me downs and name calling (which is often) I'm feeling a little isolated, I dont want to go out nor see people. Hes very dismissive of my feelings and somehow always manages to turn it back to his, emotions I cant talk to him as i cant reason with him. I think hes a little controlling as he makes it clear what he expects me to do with my day (despite me full time, studying full time and having a baby) I constantly walk on egg shells and I'm very careful with what I say as i dont want to piss him off - I'm worried I'm experiencing emotional abuse and this guy is never going to change, I'm asking myself why am I with him other than for the sake of the kids. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
FlyMeToTheMoonandMars · 09/06/2022 04:47

Definitely emotional abuse. He sounds like a vile person. If you are financially independent then leave him. Consider your options and what help you can get with the kids.
Definitely don't stay with this man.

Bilboard · 09/06/2022 05:00

You need to get away from this man. Far , far away. Speak to your doctor , he might put you on the right direction. Get help.
This man doesn't love you. Please read your post , would you let your 5 years old self be treated like this? You are amazing, don't let ANYONE disrespect you like this again.

MiddleParking · 09/06/2022 05:06

Well the obvious advice is leave but if he’s chucked you out it sounds like that’s done anyway.

UserError012345 · 09/06/2022 05:22

If you're financially independent you have options. You are not stuck.

What kind of man throws his kids out ?

DO. NOT. GO. BACK.

Oh and I'd get STI tested.

Flowers
Watchkeys · 09/06/2022 07:00

Why do you think you must have done something wrong?

Justcallmebebes · 09/06/2022 09:17

Any man who kicks his wife and 4 young children out of the house is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. He cheats and most probably sleeps with prostitutes. Firstly, you need to get yourself an STI check and secondly, you need to find somewhere for you and your kids to live, put in a claim for child support and then you divorce him. Why on earth do you think he may change? He's truly vile

MissBPotter · 09/06/2022 09:32

Nothing but you need to gain some self confidence back and realize he is a terrible person, not you. Do not get back with him and stop giving him money. He needs to pay you child support.

Mally100 · 09/06/2022 09:34

He sounds absolutely vile and you need to leave. Why have you become dependent on him? You were kids when you got together, spent a lifetime with each other and now he can't stand being tied down to one person - age old story. You say partner not husband so that is very concerning. He is abusing you and the kids.You need to make a plan to leave him.

Rainbowqueeen · 09/06/2022 09:35

You haven’t done anything wrong. He is a dick.

i suggest you speak to womens aid and put in a claim with cms immediately. Do you have assets that need to be divided.

Please value yourself and know your worth.

sussychungus · 09/06/2022 09:39

you're too hot for this queen #slay

PollyDarton1 · 09/06/2022 10:03

Get in touch immediately with Woman's Aid.

This man is abusive, and probably has been for a long time. You are so much better off without him.

veggiesupreme · 09/06/2022 10:05

Contact womensaid.

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