This is odd behaviour, right?

[ChangedMyNamrButStillMe]

Namechanged for this as it’s made me feel a bit weird and uncomfortable.

I’ve been seeing a man (I’ll call him DP even though I got told off on here for referring to him as a dp previously as we don’t live together) for nearly 2 years, divorced 3 years ago and I have 2dc 9yo and 6yo. DP lives a 2 hour drive away and due to him also having kids we have zero plans to move in together or combine our lives in that way, certainly not in the foreseeable but I’d say we’re very happy together and both like our independence.

He’s met my dc maybe 15 times, I’ve met his about them same amount. We’ve done various days out together either just with my kids, just his or all together and also had a weekend camping (separate tents for separate families) and we’ve always all got along well.

I was taking my dc away for a little break for a few days this week and he said he’d like to come along. I said he was very welcome but that we were staying in a smallish BnB and I’d booked a family room of a double bed and bunk beds so he’d have to book his own room separately as there weren’t any suites or adjoining rooms. He was fine with this and we got here last night.

This morning we went for a really long walk and all got absolutely soaked. We got back to the BnB, I stuck the boys in the shower, dry clothes and said they could have an hour or so of screens before we go out again. DP comes and knocks after his shower in his room and we have a cup of tea and a chat while dc play on screens. Then DP says he feels shattered after the walk and that he might have a quick nap. I say fine, assuming he’ll go to his room, and he takes his t shirt off and gets into my bed. I tell him that I don’t really feel comfortable with him doing that, dc are on screens and it just feels a bit weird as I can’t now lay on the bed as I don’t want them seeing us cuddle on the bed.

DP says that I’ve made him feel really embarrassed and that I think he’s a pervert and that if I didn’t trust him around my kids I should’ve said something before now. He then went off to his room, either wasn’t in or wasn’t answering when we knocked later and now he’s ignoring my messages.

I don’t know if I’m being ridiculous about it all. I just don’t know why he felt more comfortable having a nap in my bed rather than going to his. He’s never done anything to even vaguely suggest I can’t trust him with my kids but I just felt it was a bit inappropriate for a man to be topless and fast asleep in bed a metre or so away from my kids playing screens.

Am I being a massive prude and this is a completely normal thing for a long term boyfriend to do? I obviously wouldn’t have given it a second thought if it was their dad and I’m annoyed with myself that I can’t quite put my finger on why I think it was inappropriate. Please give me some sensible advice MN

I actually think the weirdest thing about it all is him taking his shirt off to nap. Why did he get half undressed?

Are the beds all in the same room? Just trying to understand the layout of the rooms.

If he napped in the room you were all in, that's weird but if he went in to a different room I don't understand why it was a big issue.

He didn’t mean a real nap did he?
I think he took his t shirt off in the hope that you would get in next to him and he could ‘cuddle’ under the covers, that’s why he’s so defensive.
The point is he could have asked if you minded if he lay on (not in) your bed with his top on.
Either way he’s being sulky now which is not good.

YANBU

Think all of his behaviour from start to finish has been odd

@StoppinBy we were in the room that I’d booked for me and dc - it has a double bed and then bunk beds next to it.

@Whooshaagh I’m pretty sure he did just want a nap. He always takes his t shirt off if he’s having a nap.

@PinkStarAtNight dc are 9 and 6 but I really don’t want them seeing dp and I cuddling or being intimate in any way, really. I don’t mind us holding hands or a quick peck on the cheeks/ lips when we’re all together but anything else makes me really uncomfortable. The situation with their dad is that he sees them EOW and we’re relatively friendly. There’s definitely no residual feelings on my part there.

I do think it's a strange conclusion he's come to about being a pervert when you were simply suggesting he go to his own room to sleep.
Have you spoken to each other yet since you knocked on his room yesterday morning?

Your life, your rules/your boundaries. It's entirely up to you what you're comfortable with. I think I'd probably have shared the room/bed with a partner of two years (if we'd booked it together). However, my kids are so used to seeing my ex bed hop and top and tail with practical strangers that they wouldn't think anything of it. I wouldn't think anything of my kids seeing me cuddle or kiss a long term partner (not so much while we're in bed together, but fully clothed on top of the covers, or out of the bed).

What does seem strange though is that he climbed into your bed when he had his own available. Why try and have a nap in the same room as others (including kids) who are awake? Didn't need to take off his shirt or get right into bed either, could have just layer on top fully clothed.

His reaction is a bit childish, shouldn't be having a strop about it. But despite his actions being a bit weird, he clearly thinks you don't trust him.