He never mentions marriage

[chocolateaddict231]

Hi ladies,

I hope you're well. I am in a lovely, wonderful relationship for three and a half years. We have a house, a cat and have been trying for a baby (unfortunately had a hard time recently

I told my husband that we would need to be married before babies.

Is marriage really important to you, and especially in bringing children into the relationship? If so then why have you agreed to try for a child without having this important discussion?

I don't understand why you're TTC while not married or at least having had the conversation. I'd stop trying for a baby if I were you, ask him if he wants to get married before making any life changing decisions, if the answer is no will you still want a child with him?

Don't you think it's irresponsible to be planning a baby with someone you can't bring up the subject of marriage with yourself?

maybe then it's time that you do? i value marriage, and this is important to me.
so if we are to continue trying for a baby our union needs to be formalized.
it's important to me for a variety of reasons.

Do you bring it up?

Tell him that you think he’s “lovely, wonderful” but marriage is important to you so that’s not enough.

I was pretty clear that there were no babies before marriage.
You need to have this conversation with him if it is important to you.
If no marriage at least a good conversation about finances and assets/pension management before dc arrive.

Stop ttc. Go back on contraception until you are married. There’s nothing weird about that - I don’t understand why you silently started ttc without speaking up? If you said that you want to be married first, then have a baby and say nothing, he will quite reasonably assume (or pretend to) that you just changed your mind and aren’t pushed.

go back into contraception until you are married. If he doesn’t want to get married, leave him.

I can't even begin to understand how you think it's a good idea to have a baby with a man you can't effectively communicate with. I'd be telling him no marriage, no baby. You really need to figure out where you stand before you drag an innocent child into all this.

Just bloody ask him

Are you financially self-supporting? Do you have a goodly sum put by? If not, stop ttc and settle the question of marriage. If I was financially dependent on someone hell would freeze over before I'd have a baby without being married. I know marriage isn't a guarantee but it does give you clear cut rights regarding property and assets in the event of a divorce.

If you're financially secure in your own right, marriage isn't as important as long as you return to work and maintain that independence. In this case marriage is more of a want than a need.

I agree.

There should be a 'Like' button here on Mumsnet like FB has so the poster could see how many people support certain replies.

And like on Twitter & Instagram too.

I wouldn't be having kids until I was married.

OP, there is very little information to go on.

You have a house you say. Who owns it? Is it yours? His? Jointly owned?

Why are you in a relationship where you cannot communicate about marriage while trying for a child?

Job? Money? Will you be able to afford having a child with all that entails? Even if you end up single parenting? (I am one).

You need to protect your own future and that of any child(ren) you may have.

Even if marriage is not on the cards, you need to see a solicitor about your options. (You can start by googling the legal possiblities there are in place).

If you are much wealthier than him with a career that you plan not to leave and no possibility of you reducing your working hours then absolutely don't get married.

If any of the above are not true then you need to have a serious conversation.

If you need help finding all the very good reasons to argue the case we can help.

Why haven’t you mentioned marriage. Now is the time to decide if marriage a dealbreaker because once you have children it will be harder.

Don't have a baby with a man you can't talk to.

I was very clear that I wouldn't have children or start trying for children until I was in a fully committed relationship, eg married.

If my then bp wasn't interested in marriage to me, then I certainly wasn't interested in having his children and our relationship would never move to the next step.

I've been with mine for 7 years and he's never once mentioned it apart from once on the third date. We discussed it and he said he'd be ready on year 4. But I think that ship has most definitely sailed now

If he won't marry you, and you are financially worse off than him, then stop ttc until he marries you.

The mind boggles.

Why would you even consider having a child with someone you haven't discussed what you want with.

This situation is a perfect example of why so many women get totally screwed having children.

Stop trying to conceive with this man.

He's wrong for you if you can't discuss this.

Why make so little of yourself, settling for so little.

Unless you are in an incredible job, with huge savings.

Stop.

You can't raise the subject of the level of his commitment to you (marriage, civil partnership) and tell him what you want out of your relationship, but you're trying for a baby with him?

Are you mad?