I don't see the good in people when I should

[user929203]

When things go good in a relationship, I worry someone will come along and try and ruin it.

I accepted 2 of DP's friends tonight on Instagram, thinking they might have an issue with something I post and drill in to DP's head I'm bad news (I never post anything bad so this is irrational)

I told an old fling I had a bf 6 weeks ago, and have worried since that he will try and ruin our relationship even though he is countries away.

My friend commented on how I always think people have bad intentions and don't think good of me... how do I stop this???

Asking yourself, "when was the last time I saw this happen in real life?" could be a start.

Sitting down and looking at what goes right and wrong in the lives of people you know, so that you plan with reality in mind rather than the plots of fiction (where the characters often do stuff on the lines of your worries, to move the plot along!).

So spot on @Fenella123 ! My friends say the same - where have I come up with this and when on earth have I ever seen it happen?! Usually never! I just assume it could only be me. Maybe I should stop watching real housewives.. 🤭

Bump

Seems like paranoid ideas that someone is out to hurt you in some way. Maybe ask for some dbt to change your thought patterns.

Yeah, I think I know deep down nobody would do anything but I just don't get why I think this way

You're over thinking and then over thinking about your over thinking.

You do realise you don't have to get involved in your thoughts, don't you? They're like clouds, they just blow over. Can you laugh at them?

I laugh at my amazing thought processes that try to convince me not to go to the gym, and to stay at home watching Netflix, eating bourbons.

Our brains come up with all manner of crap. We don't have to believe them.

@Watchkeys 1000%. My overthinking just makes me feel like maybe it’s intuition? But I know it’s not. It’s just awful feeling everyday like this, but I have a lot of spare time so maybe that’s why.

Your over thinking doesn't 'make you' do anything: You're in charge. Take responsibility. You're an adult. If you find that you have a lot of time on your hands and you're thinking too much about things, do something about it. Occupy your time. Find other things to think about. Give your brain something to do instead of just making crap up.

@Watchkeys that’s fair. I do suffer with OCD too so it can be hard sometimes.

This sounds like a pattern of thinking that is linked to OCD and trust/insecurity issues. When I have a ruminating thought, I end up convincing myself it's because of "gut instinct" because it's so prominent in my brain - but it's not, it's just a thought that I've allowed to expand because I've given it space in my brain. Are you getting any therapeutic or medical help managing the OCD?

Could you explore some therapy that will get to the bottom of the negative self talk? I understand being wary and cautious of peoples' intentions, as I am too, but when it starts to affect the way you interact with the people around you that could have the best of intentions, you need to look at unpicking why you allow that to happen.

@PollyDarton1 It's definitely both! I have diagnosed OCD which has made it's way into Magical Thinking OCD as of recently. I have just moved overseas to a non English speaking country so no help just now, I have joined some type of ERP/CBT OCD course online however.

I went to therapy for years so I know the origin of everything, it's just actually managing it. I seem to have 6 good months then I spiral right after that. Is OCD something you have too?

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate too right now - I find when I'm more stressed or going through a life change, my OCD becomes more pronounced.

I know what you mean about having been in therapy and knowing the mechanical side of things - although I must admit I've forgotten most of what I've learnt! I do have OCD yes, and ADHD, so the two together run riot!

@PollyDarton1 Do you find it sometimes kicks in when things are going well? I really have no complaints about my life and everything has fell into place and now that it has, I am always worrying about these unrealistic scenarios!

Oh absolutely. It's part of my wariness I think - it something is going well, surely it must fuck up sometime! I try and live hour to hour now - I wasted so much time trying to project the future that I just gave up a bit!

But OP you can press the pause button and think,
"Seriously now, brain, who do I know in RL who this happened to? And secondly, is there any point in fretting about this regardless?"
Talk to yourself like a good friend would.

I sometimes fret about my OH dying, but I (metaphorically) sit myself down and say

• yes, you will BOTH die some day
• yes it sucks but the survivor manages and if it's you, you will too
• fretting about it now just wastes the (hopefully long and happy) time you have together!

So just ... be your own best friend.

@Fenella123 I totally agree! I have been saying that the past few days - who would this actually happen to in real life? The answer is usually no, and I'd advise my friend how silly it would be to think too if it was them - but the anxiety just never disappears!