How to spot an abuser?

[fartoobiled]

I am divorcing my H. I feel so cross with myself that I had DC with him.

He was the most loving man. Very caring. Then I had DS and he changed overnight. Tried stopping me seeing family

Spoke down to me. Laughed at me. Put me down. Put our baby down?! But appeared the perfect gent in front of everyone else.

First boyfriend - aged 18. He was horrific. Out of nowhere, hit me round the face with a wet flannel for oversleeping and not getting up in time. Appeared very normal before that. No odd behaviours. I swiftly left!

Second boyfriend, financial control. Stole from me. Lied constantly. Appeared normal at first

Few other short term people similarly awful, one was a charmer to me. Very nice. Then we went for dinner and he humiliated a waitress for bringing out the wrong
Why oh why do I keep finding these men? I am happy on my own and not in need of anyone. But when I do find someone, they are showing their true colours way too late

*the wrong wine! I left and never saw him again. Woke up the next day to about 10 abusive texts

Well done on leaving these twats pretty quickly. I've learnt from here they don't reveal themselves as an abuser until it's too late, if they were nasty from the start they'd never get anyone to abuse. I've been lucky, never had an abusive one, just a freeloader and one who took too long to sort his divorce. Now married to a lovely hard working man, don't lose hope.

I do wonder about the concept of the shark cage. 'Out of nowhere' is different for different people. I have a very low tolerance for nonsense which I see my female friends putting up with. And some of that behaviour turns into something.