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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable about moaning

20 replies

Kaitkyn76 · 07/06/2022 20:10

Hi

In our late 40s..

Been with my bf for 5 years. When I met him he was into his cars ..boy racer etc....spent his money doing It up. Ever had kids etc unlike me they are 14.17 and 20 live with there dad.. Spent his money on Spoilers, graphics etc.
When we moved in together 2 years later by then he changed cars various times..up to him.never had problem...
When we moved in together we said everything is 50/50 all household Bill's.. and things like credit cards or car loan or personal stuff is our own.
Now 5 years later I have kinda had enough..am I being unreasonable?
Things been tight since before xmas or longer than that....he has been in and out 6 jobs...started of made redundant during Covid and until now been in and out of jobs...job he is in now so far lasted 6 weeks so looking good ! He hadn't walked out!
Money been tight so I have stepped forward paid for all the rent . Council tax. Water. Electric and food....I dont earn alot I work full time so put my Bill's on back burner.thats what couples do isnt it ?.now behind on my car payments, credit cards etc... he got paid other week and cos he was behind on his car payment of 550. He paid double so 1100.00 which left him no money to put towards food or electric or rent so I had to borrow off my parents until I got paid...I was fuming ...so again gets paid in few weeks..he still not up to date with his car payments so paying 750.00 He said he cant afford rent or council tax next month...I said I am behind on my car payments by 800.00 I was hoping you could pay the rent help me out...well his face ! It was like I cant afford got to sort my car out...what about electric or food etc..he said he can't afford it.... so yet again I have to find money for everything as well as my Bill's racking up debts...

All he is interested in his car loan payments..I said priority Bill's first or we can go down to one car...well his face you ain't driving my car !
He says as he has no kids it's his baby! He has 3 step kids...they are 14.17 and 20 . Live with there dad.
He wont pay towards nothing...
We meant to be going away with my boys in Nov. he turned round and said I cant pay petrol or help with spending money ....I paid for holiday myself...

What do I do ....funny thing is I am not even on the tenancy! I am very very stressed .....

We are looking to move to a smaller home . As he dont like area we in..but rent has to be up to date no arrears to be able to move so that's stressing me out making sure it's in credit....

I am.lost end dont know what to do..do I take on another job? I currently work 40 hours...

OP posts:
Aprilx · 07/06/2022 20:19

I don’t understand your comment about the children. You start by saying “Ever had kids etc unlike me they are…” which I don’t understand. And then you say he has step kids with their dad, which I also could not understand. It is probably relevant to clarify what this situation is considering the impact of children and finances.

SucculentSunshine · 07/06/2022 20:22

What do you do? You fucking leave him!
Why are you financially supplementing his life? That needs to be drawn to an immediate close.

If he pays his way 50/50 fine but if not you need to leave and find a place you can afford on your own.

Cherrysoup · 07/06/2022 20:22

Aprilx · 07/06/2022 20:19

I don’t understand your comment about the children. You start by saying “Ever had kids etc unlike me they are…” which I don’t understand. And then you say he has step kids with their dad, which I also could not understand. It is probably relevant to clarify what this situation is considering the impact of children and finances.

OP has 3 children who live with their dad. Presumably she pays towards them.

ChronicallyOnline · 07/06/2022 20:23

Aprilx · 07/06/2022 20:19

I don’t understand your comment about the children. You start by saying “Ever had kids etc unlike me they are…” which I don’t understand. And then you say he has step kids with their dad, which I also could not understand. It is probably relevant to clarify what this situation is considering the impact of children and finances.

I read that as meaning the OP has three kids, who don't live with her and when he said he doesn't have kids and the car is his baby, she pointed her three children are his step children

Kaitkyn76 · 07/06/2022 20:27

Sorry not clear.
I have 3 kids who live with there dad yes I pay maintenance.. I was meant to say my bf says he loves his car and spends money on his car so much as he has no kids of his own so his car is his baby but in a sense he has 3 step children...so I myself dont understand his remark. And piss me off !

OP posts:
MintJulia · 07/06/2022 20:30

You kick him out. He's a pointless freeloading cock lodger who thinks his car payments are more important than your home. Get rid of him before he ruins you.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 07/06/2022 20:34

Oh @Kaitkyn76

read this back to yourself as if it was written by someone else.
what advice would you give??

what on earth are you getting out of this?

He is a selfish, spoiled, entitled cocklodger of the highest order.
You would be so so much better without him!!

Have my first LTB!

PurpleSky300 · 07/06/2022 20:41

So he’s a big kid who can’t even hold down a job, wants no adult responsibility and doesn’t regard your children as his stepchildren in any way. Why didn’t you kick him out ages ago?

pictish · 07/06/2022 20:45

He can always sleep in his bloody car.

Kaitkyn76 · 07/06/2022 20:49

Cant kick him out my name not on tenancy..he wont put it in joint names..as he worried I kick him out..that's reason he gave me a month ago when I asked everything to be joint ....

OP posts:
RandomMess · 07/06/2022 20:50

You're in debt because his car is his first priority over and above you.

Make your plans to leave and don't bother paying the rent.

frozendaisy · 07/06/2022 20:50

He was still a boy racer in his 40s!

Ok you are not on the tenancy, so as you are paying for everything anyway you move into a smaller cheaper place to sort out your money and he can either pay his rent and bills or car or get a better job and pay both. You don't have to split up but you do need to make a stand. Be strong. Sort your own money out.

As you say you have kids you want to go on holiday with. Spend your spare money on them not him. He has had plenty of time to sort himself out.

Sparklybutold · 07/06/2022 20:50

@Kaitkyn76

Then you walk.

Mix56 · 07/06/2022 22:03

No option but to walk. How much debt does he expect you to get in to ?
He has no hope of repaying it.

Next month he will have to pay his own rent, as you will be gone

puddingandsun · 07/06/2022 22:15

Move in with your parents until you've paid your credit cards/ bills on your name.

Then get your own little place when ready.

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/06/2022 22:17

How have you ended up
paying rent on a property where you’re not on the tenancy, that’s madness - you don’t need to worry about arrears, look for something smaller and cheaper, move out and never look back.

stepuporshutup · 07/06/2022 22:22

MintJulia · 07/06/2022 20:30

You kick him out. He's a pointless freeloading cock lodger who thinks his car payments are more important than your home. Get rid of him before he ruins you.

Yes this immediately

indoorplantqueen · 07/06/2022 22:25

Stop paying the end then..,

RosesAndHellebores · 07/06/2022 22:26

Priority 1: your children
Priority 2: Food
Priority 3: a home
Priority 4: repay debts
Priority 5: insurance/pension
Priority 6: savings
Priority 7: a safe and adequate car

A job is obviously a pre-requisite. If he can't work out the basics, he isn't worth having. I'm not sure if a flash car you can't afford comes higher or lower than, now I wanted to say "cocklodger" but he's cocking in his own rented home that he won't properly share with you so the current term is probably "shitgit".

Surely you would be better off on your own in the tiniest studio than with this selfish shitgit.

CombatBarbie · 07/06/2022 22:32

Quite easy then, you leave if everything is in his name. Don't pay the rent, find somewhere for yourself to live.

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