I don't want him back but when will I stop thinking of him?

[Positivefuture2]

We broke up 15 months ago after 4.5 years together. The breakup was cold, callous and I felt discarded. I'm over the heartbreak stage now but still think every day of everything that happened. I have to go to the area where he lives occasionally for work, but thankfully haven't bumped into him yet. Is it normal after 15 months to still think of things, even though I'd never go back? I've done a lot of work on myself and have been getting out and about, but I still feel an underlying sadness/ melancholy at times. I've no interest in dating.

Hi op I split up with my ex 11 years ago I ended it due to extreme DV but it didn't stop me thinking about him often especially when I was near the area he lived in it will become less frequent but I believe the smallest thing can trigger a memory

Of course I think it's normal. I had one ex that I was with for 4 years and it took me years to recover. And another ex it took me a couple of years to get over. I think everyone is different and it depends on the relationship as well. The ones that were the best took me longer and the worst ones, like with my ex, have taken me no time at all. lol

Good to hear it's not unusual to still feel like this at times.

I still think about my first husband often and I left him over 20 years ago; i had a short casual thing with someone i haven't seen for 3 years and I think of him every day. What has mostly gone is the pain.

Yes, you're right. Although I still think of him, it's less painful.

Also, breakup happened in lockdown last year, which didn't help as I've had so much time to think.

My ex and I broke up 10 years ago, similar length relationship. I’m married now with a a child. I still think of him. A mixture of fondness but yes also pain and a knot in my chest. I honestly don’t think I’d recognise him if I saw him though. I think it’s normal to grieve over the past. Especially when someone has left their mark.