Relationship with Colleagues

[Nouveaunew]

I love my work but my colleagues (my boss, in particular) stress me out. All the silly dynamics & the rigid culture of the place bothers me BUT the truth is I know it could be a lot worse as I’ve worked in worse places. For my industry it’s not too bad and I’m starting to think I just need to get the work done.

so my question is: do you think it’s bad to skip the afterwork socials? We have one coming up next week and I really don’t want to go. I’ve always gone to previous ones & have even organised them but I’m not sure I can handle watching my boss transform into Mr Fun Guy & everyone sucking up to him when he’s been Mr A-hole to me on more than a few occasions this year … (I’m reasonably high up so that’s why I wonder if it’s ‘bad’ if I don’t go along & play the bt game).

What do you think ?

To not go I think you have 2 ways out; already have prior plans from the moment that the work plan is given OR a last minute illness.

The problem is that you can probably only use each once so you'll have to choose which one and when wisely! 😂🤣😂

Always drink way less than them so you can make sure that you don't get sucked into the BS! Good luck 😉

Thanks @Hopeful16 I’m not sure what I’ll do … this thread has helped a lot. It has made me realise others feel the same way.

I only attend these type of events if I actually feel that it might be a networking opportunity or to be "seen " by the trustees of the charity I work for.

I usually just stay for one drink, as I have to drive. Sometimes I pretend that I have another event the same evening that I need to dash off for (even if its just Coronation Street).

“sorry can’t make it”.

As soon as you’ve done it once it becomes easier. Then decide if you want to only go for things like Christmas socials or particular colleagues birthdays.

Life is too short to spend evenings in the company of or in places you don’t really want to be. Took me a very long time to realise this as I always felt obliged to say yes to invites.

I own a business now, however, prior to that, I turned down all work events. I've always kept a clear divide between work and my private life. There is however cross socialization between friendship groups, everyone is acquainted with one another. I feel that works very well for a bigger get-to-together.

On the other hand, DP socializes with her small team, although there are recent tensions between the new starts and members of other team's departments, who want wider socializing. There's always a conflict between work relationships being sour and then being friends.

Hence why mine have always been separate.

@MrsMoastyToasty Corrie is an important event! 😀

@Welshrarebit75 yeah I’m like that - have always felt obliged. I’ve decided I won’t go. You’re right

@Hrpuffnstuff1 yeah it can get complicated. I’ve always been good for going along so I think it’ll be forgivable if I don’t go this time!

must be exciting owning your own business.

Glad it helped for you to talk it through. 😘

It did … I’m tired of the charade! But I know I need to continue to do my best in work.

Don’t go. And don’t spend a second worrying about it either. Life is too short to do things you don’t want to.

@MiniPumpkin
i have been worrying about it and I do wonder why I expend so much bloody energy worrying about what people think of me. It’s bloody exhausting … and you are, of course, right … life is short.

If you have to pay for it yourself then there's your answer. Just say you can't really justify spending the money. If work wanted you there as mandatory, they'd pay for whatever it is.
Or if you can go along for one drink and have another pressing social engagement, that's even better.

I don’t really care about paying to be honest. I’ve been doing it for years. It’s more the whole pretending to be happy families charade. But yeah, I’ve just emailed the organiser and told her I won’t be going

I definitely wouldn’t go, for years I’ve just said hell no, I’m not sociable, I’d rather be at home. I hate these forced work socials. We work together, we’d have to be mates outside of work.

@Cherrysoup
Yeah I hear you! I used to enjoy them, organise them and look forward to them...but the deeper I've got into things and seen the two-facedness etc, the less I enjoy trying to be sociable. I am generally a sociable person but sometimes maybe the healthier thing to do is not go along to these events ... every time anyhow!

@Nouveaunew, as a junior person fresh out of uni, I felt that I need to show some effort to go to some work socials (even though in most socials there were definitely forced atmosphere and fakeness). These days I am the same as @layladomino - I'd only go l if I genuinely wanted to be there - or if it was for a respected colleague.

It is my opinion that you certainly do not go to socials with people/boss who treats you badly, that would send a signal that it is ok that you treat me badly, I'd still suck up to you and make loads of effort anyway. Are you sure there is no better place to work? If you have decided to stay then just do what you are paid for and do not spend a second worrying about people' opinion. Life is too short to be spent doing thing you don't want to do.