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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Round in circles

5 replies

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 07/06/2022 17:40

Can anyone else help on this one?

My husband always says I am not grateful enough for everything he provides and talks to me in a tone that I interpret as him talking down to me and not respecting me, it's not the words but the way he talks to me that really upsets me and makes me sad/angry/give up!

He says I am not grateful enough and i feel he is not grateful enough for everything I have given up, moved aWay from friends and family, support networks, work contacts twice and also bring in the business for our company, we constantly go around in circles.

Has anyone got a solution?

Am so angry and upset lately as have worked so hard for so long and just want respect, love and care from my partner.

Money alone is just not enough. Am I expecting too much as he says that's the downside of his stressful job, he loves me so just suck it up but I feel like it's chipping away at my self respect and making me sad :(

OP posts:
Ucantkeepmedown · 07/06/2022 18:18

In my experience when it has got to the stage of looking for gratitude from each other it is a serious red flag. I was in the same situation as you and practically ran our business too at times. My husband blamed working too much on him being distant and being too tired to bother.
it really drains you and demoralises you having to beg for scraps of love and knowing there is no respect. I feel for you in the end it broke me 😒

Nouveaunew · 07/06/2022 18:21

@WorkHardPlayHard1
my exDH & I had this. It was horrible. We both felt unappreciated . We get on a lot better now as friends

Original poster
WorkHardPlayHard1 · 07/06/2022 19:33

Ucantkeepmedown · 07/06/2022 18:18

In my experience when it has got to the stage of looking for gratitude from each other it is a serious red flag. I was in the same situation as you and practically ran our business too at times. My husband blamed working too much on him being distant and being too tired to bother.
it really drains you and demoralises you having to beg for scraps of love and knowing there is no respect. I feel for you in the end it broke me 😒

Thank you for replying! Yes am so 50/50 right now. Torn between being in love and being in sadness

OP posts:
StarDolphins · 07/06/2022 19:41

Have you talked to him about how he delivers his complaints about your supposed lack of appreciation? Or anything else for that matter? Purpose of discussions get lost when someone speaks down to you in a shittt tone. My ex used to do this & I ended up not even listening to the content but just inside thinking why are you so damn rude when you speak to me!

Original poster
WorkHardPlayHard1 · 07/06/2022 21:13

StarDolphins · 07/06/2022 19:41

Have you talked to him about how he delivers his complaints about your supposed lack of appreciation? Or anything else for that matter? Purpose of discussions get lost when someone speaks down to you in a shittt tone. My ex used to do this & I ended up not even listening to the content but just inside thinking why are you so damn rude when you speak to me!

He's being nice now, got me a magazine as a sorry and made the dinner as he blames it on stress...

OP posts:
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