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Original poster

Right person wrong time?

15 replies

Rooster25 · 07/06/2022 14:30

Exactly what the subject says.

I feel as though I met the right person for me, but we both had a lot of growing up to do, which we needed to do separately. She however moved on a year later and has been with her partner ever since (almost two years).

I am genuinely happy for her and living my own life, with lots going for myself. Interested in peoples opinions on the question and if not, how to essentially make peace with not ever being with her again.

thank you!

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 07/06/2022 14:34

Same thing happened with me. We were together briefly at the age of 18. Had loads in common but we were too young and it was the wrong time. Years later we were back in touch and the spark was still there. Just we were both with someone and he had a family so nothing could happen. It’s tough but I like to think if it’s meant to be then it will happen eventually

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 07/06/2022 15:04

I think same happened to me.

I was 17 and wanted to travel the world and “find” myself, he was 19 and had a set plan for his career, wanted to get married and start a family. We had lots in common, we grew up together and knew each other inside out. I knew he was madly in love with me but I was scared to commit at such a young age. I broke up with him, felt free and left to live abroad for 10 years. He got married and has got two kids. I’m now married too, but I do sometimes wonder what would our life together be like?

Looking back , I don’t think anyone ever loved me the way he did, even my DH. Or maybe it’s just the fact that when you’re 17-19 everything is just so intense & exciting?

Fabpinky · 07/06/2022 15:06

If they were the right person there would never be a wrong time imo

Spitescreen · 07/06/2022 15:14

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 07/06/2022 15:04

I think same happened to me.

I was 17 and wanted to travel the world and “find” myself, he was 19 and had a set plan for his career, wanted to get married and start a family. We had lots in common, we grew up together and knew each other inside out. I knew he was madly in love with me but I was scared to commit at such a young age. I broke up with him, felt free and left to live abroad for 10 years. He got married and has got two kids. I’m now married too, but I do sometimes wonder what would our life together be like?

Looking back , I don’t think anyone ever loved me the way he did, even my DH. Or maybe it’s just the fact that when you’re 17-19 everything is just so intense & exciting?

Well, it would have been a disaster, very likely. Either you’d have been dragging a reluctant homebody around the world with you, wrecking all your chances of adventure and growth, or you’d have been tied down to some kind of suburban nightmare and married with children terribly young, when what you wanted was entirely different…?

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 07/06/2022 15:31

@Spitescreen hence I think he was the right person but at the wrong time, be fast forward 10 years this is exactly what I want now - marriage, and kids. And if we stayed together I probably would’ve delayed the kids plans. From what I’ve heard he only had kids couple of years ago,…

Original poster
Rooster25 · 07/06/2022 15:34

Fabpinky · 07/06/2022 15:06

If they were the right person there would never be a wrong time imo

Even if you both weren’t at the emotionally maturity level required for a successful long term relationship?

OP posts:
Fabpinky · 07/06/2022 18:02

If she moved on a year later and is still with the same person she couldn’t have needed to do much growing up - or she moved on and met the right person?

Sunnytwobridges · 07/06/2022 18:06

Same thing happened to me. Met someone at 18 we were together for about 4 years but I was at university and he was across the country in the military. It was tough having a LDR especially during those times before internet and cell phones (I'm old!). I truly believe that if we had lived closer together we would still be together. But he eventually met and married someone else.

We have communicated a couple of times and there is still a spark. Like a pp said, I don’t think anyone ever loved me the way he did. I guess that's why I'm still single.

Original poster
Rooster25 · 08/06/2022 05:25

Fabpinky · 07/06/2022 18:02

If she moved on a year later and is still with the same person she couldn’t have needed to do much growing up - or she moved on and met the right person?

good response (genuinely), the immediate response in my head was that she is someone who doesn’t really to be alone and out of the two of us I have more growing up to do. But you’re right, thank you, I needed to hear that.

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 08/06/2022 08:57

I'm still in a similar situation to yourself. I met a guy after my marriage ended. We both have so much going on in our lives still with the ex partners and work and kids and just general life stuff. We've been on an off all last year. We do openly admit we care very deeply for each other and neither one of us has been able to move on god knows I've tried. Loads of interesting dates with other men. They don't even come close to be honest. No connection whatsoever with them ,I've given up for the moment and would rather be single . I do have a feeling that once things have settled down for me with everything and the same for this guy I think things will work themselves out. We still send texts to each other and chat weekly about life and such.

Fabpinky · 08/06/2022 09:29

You’re welcome. I believe in the saying “what’s meant for you won’t pass you by”

Doesnt mean we are wrong for thinking “what if” or wondering if things had been different, but try not to dwell on the past too much. What’s happened has happened and if it was meant to be any different, then it would be.

TedMullins · 08/06/2022 15:35

Fabpinky · 07/06/2022 15:06

If they were the right person there would never be a wrong time imo

I agree with this. If it was the right person, there wouldn't be a wrong time, and if there were reasons you couldn't be together at that time or things didn't work out/you didn't want the same things, then they weren't the right person. It's easy to be infatuated with people where there's an intense connection, but that doesn't mean they're 'the one' if other elements don't align. Also wanting what you can't have can make it even more appealing – if you'd actually got together and made a go of it despite factors against you, you might have realised the connection didn't translate to a healthy relationship (which I'm from 'still had growing up to do'). None of that suggests to me that it was the right time or the right person.

Moonface123 · 08/06/2022 15:48

It just wasn' t meant to be, whats meant to be will just happen effortlessly, don't waste time trying to make excuses as to why it didn't work out, people come and go into our lives, let them come and let them go, the ones that are meant to stay, will.

Watchkeys · 08/06/2022 19:07

When you meet the right person, you have a happy relationship. It really is that simple.

Don't fixate. There's a hell of a lot of people out there.

Original poster
Rooster25 · 08/06/2022 20:47

Thanks everyone for your views. I agree, I was just stuck in a funk and appreciate being able to let it out via this platform.

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