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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex bf

7 replies

Daisyyyy123 · 07/06/2022 11:34

Hiya first time posting here. I've recently split with a guy I was seeing for 9 months unfortunately I work in the same place as him and he's not making it easy. I have tried to be just friends with him but he wants more and we end up falling out. Im not sure what to do im debating on leaving my job. I feel awful on my work colleagues because they can tell when we have fell out and have to put up with his moods. I feel awful on him having to see me everyday when he's hurting and think it would be easier if I left and hope he then leaves me alone. Any advice would be great. Thanks

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 07/06/2022 11:47

I guess the advice for future would be not to get involved with a co worker! But for now, no absolutely do not quit your job because this guy can't manage his emotions. Limit time spent in his company, be polite but not over friendly with him and if he harasses you speak to your manager about it

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 07/06/2022 11:55

I would never date a colleague again! It's so fucking awkward afterwards.

Are you on the same team? I'd bring it to your line manager and just say it's making things difficult and can you change teams or department, or can they have a word with him to stop being so bloody unprofessional.

Kitten2 · 07/06/2022 11:57

Could you be moved to another location / department so you don't have to work directly with each other?

something2say · 07/06/2022 12:01

Yes, take control and avoid him. It will have calmed down in a month or so, meanwhile use all your skills to avoid him. Disappear, have phone calls, say you're in a hurry, leave immediately work has finished.

frozendaisy · 07/06/2022 12:07

Why should you have to leave when he is the one being unprofessional?

Can you try and park this as, whilst at work he is just another work colleague. Any behaviour or talk in a personal regards address as "inappropriate at work"

Herejustforthisone · 07/06/2022 12:24

Tell HR what is going on. If he’s lacking in self-awareness and professionalism enough that it is already impacting your working life, I’d want them to know in case he didn’t drop it/escalated it.

sleepymum50 · 07/06/2022 13:46

So he’s the one behaving badly, but you feel you have to be the one that leaves?

A long time ago, when I was young and pretty, I had a boss who took a shine to me. It got awkward and embarrassing for me. He tried to kiss me when he was giving me a lift, amongst other things. He was older and married, but I decided to leave the job. When I gave in my notice he actually asked “is it because of me and I lied and said no. But of course it was. I was 24. Ironically, he was the HR Director.

When I was even younger, I worked in a shop where the only other person was a single much older man (in his 60’s). He knew I had left home and wasn’t flush for cash. He bought me a clock radio. I thought that was very kind. But then he got in touch with my flat mate and they chose me a “music centre”. Then he asked her for a photo of me, then I found him searching through my handbag when he thought I’d gone to the loo, so I left that job too.

Now I’m older, I am so cross with them both. Yes, the times were different. Now we have sexual harassment policies.

Please don’t leave or feel guilty for your other workmates. It’s HIS behaviour, not yours. You should see if you have any HR policies in your company that can sort this. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for all the other girls and women being intimidated by fuckwit males in the workplace.

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